Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Gains and Losses

The past 24 hours have really tested me. I have been going to a counselor for the past 2 years while on this infertility journey and she has been my rock every other week for so long that I've learned to really depend on my time with her to vent, dream and lay it all out as she was my safe zone.

At yesterday's session she started... "before we settle in today I need to let you know something." *deep breath* She's expecting. Deep down I'm really happy for her - but at the same time I feel like this really sucks for me. She's no longer that neutral, safe zone - and that's proving to be really, really hard. Not sure where I'll go from here. *sigh* It's so hard to see myself being able to talk the same way while watching her change from week to week. So hard.

Bloodwork this morning for Estridol level was good (41, wanted less than 100) so we are continuing on towards that magical transfer date of June 10th. Continuing the Lupron injections and will start the Vivelle patches (x2) on Friday.

Hanging in there and praying for patience, understanding and strength.

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