Tomorrow is Transfer Day

Sorry I haven't been blogging very much but I have been really busy with work and home. Things are still on track and currently I'm on 3 Vivelle Patches (changed every 3rd day), the Estradiol, Methylprednisolone, Doxycycline and the awesome HUGE progesterone shot in the tushy each night. Life is challenging but I keep on truckin.

Tomorrow is our transfer day and we are hoping that both of our penguins (frozen embryos) will make it through the thaw and be in great condition for our 11am transfer. We appreciate all the prayers and warm wishes as we move along the journey of our FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle.

Will let you all know how tomorrow goes and then we won't know if things "took" until the beginning of July via our blood work so keep those prayers coming. Thanks all, blessings.

Feeling Better

Quick update - the increase in meds has stopped the bleeding that kicked in yesterday. They had told me if I saw red at all to contact them asap - so when I woke up Friday morning to what appeared to be a start of my cycle with bright red on my liner and some decent cramping - I have to admit I hit an emotional "oh my gosh, no."

After talking with the office the fact that it was still light was good and they told me to now wear 3 patches (instead of two) and to call if the bleeding gets heavy... well, as of this morning it has stopped. Praying that things are still on track and that we'll find out the lining is thick enough next week and we can keep going.

Thank you all for the continued prayers.

I'll know either way... today.

Well, dropped off a beautiful blood sample (amazing how numb I am to needles by now) and I will know either way in about 2 hours from now. They are going to call me with my Beta results when they are in. I don't feel much different and so I'm really worried I'll come back with a low beta... but it seems that's a common feeling for most women.

Keeping my fingers/toes crossed and saying a soft prayer. Either way we'll make it through this and Heaven forbid we need to start the process over at least we know that we. can. do. this.

*hugs* Update later today.

Check out the Embies...

Here's a photo of the photo (scanner isn't working) of the two embies we put in a week ago. It's absolutely driving me nuts wondering if they are still around and if they've implanted. It's the not knowing that is making this time creep slowly by. I've been having sore boobs, slight cramping, headaches and fatigue and I really hope these are good signs and not just in response to the progesterone and other hormones in my body.

Argh! Is it Saturday yet? I just need to _know_.

Time. Goes. Slowly.

So I'm hanging in there and waiting until next Saturday when we can go for bloodwork to see just how we're doing. I talk to my embies (anyone else do this) and tell them that I love them and want them to do their best to stick. Here's praying that one will...

** Warning, this might be Too Might Info... =) **

Last night had a bit of a scare where I swore my cycle was starting. I mean the heavy feeling, the "moist" feeling and the worry about going to the restroom to only find a horrible outcome. Anyone know what I'm talking about? I had a little brown discharge last night and nothing since then. And this morning I woke up to HORRIBLE gas/lower ab crampage that scared the begeezers out of me only to have one HECK of a *ahem* movement and man did I feel better. It had been over 3 days... Progesterone sucks in that regard.

So, dare I hope for implantation bleeding? *fingers crossed*

Less than 24 hours....

This weekend has gone so slowly! I alternate going from an upset tummy (antibiotics) to having ADHD (steroids) to feeling like I'm going out of my head with my emotions (progesterone). I can't believe that the transfer ... and as I haven't had a phone call from the RE saying anything bad I'm assuming that we are still on for tomorrow. Excited, petrified and anxious all in one. Go me!

Just as a quick update tomorrow I get to end:
Methylprednisolone (slightly decreases natural immune reaction system)
Doxycycline (antibiotic to prevent infection)

Get to keep getting:
Progesterone IM

As a reminder, we had 10 eggs harvested and 6 of those fertilized. Here's hoping for at least 2 beautiful blasts tomorrow for transfer. *fingers crossed*

Holding Pattern

Other than trying to keep myself positive, upbeat and not worried out of my skull nothing new has been happening the last few days. Monday seems so close and yet so far away. This bit of having absolutely no control over how our eggs are doing and just running on faith that Monday WILL happen is for the dogs. Bleh.

Starting last Thursday we have done the progesterone IM shots (butt shots) and you know what... they aren't bad! Nothing compared to that evil spawn of Satan... Repronex. As long as I heat before hand, wiggle my toes during (you can't clench your butt cheeks if you wiggle your toes... go ahead... try it!) and then heat afterwords I couldn't even tell you it happened. Seriously!

Also finishing up this tummy wrecking antibiotic (doxycycline) and steroid that makes me ADHD for about 4 hours (methylprednisolone) ... will be done on Monday with those as well. We're getting towards the finish line...

Praying up a storm!

Holy Crud, Only Day 2?

Ok, so yesterday was day one on stims. Follistim wasn't that bad, Lupron is old hat and then Repronex kicked me in the butt. Burned going in and today I feel like I've been shot. Definately won't be using that spot on my belly anytime in the near future. I'm really hoping that was a one time occurance... but sweating tonight's poke all the same. Anyone else have problems with the Repronex?

In a nutshell...
Lupron: easy peasy
Follistim: not best friends, but friends
Repronex: definately off my Christmas card list

Here's hoping tonight will be better. *sniffle*

PS: Tomorrow is an u/s and bloodwork day.

Let's Get Ready to... Stim!

Today is day one of stims and I finally feel like I'm doing something. The past few days I've allowed myself to get down and anxious about starting the "big shots" today and I'll be able to update later regarding the Repronex but as for the Follistim this morning that was easy peasy. I swear it was less of a poke then the Lupron shots. Here's hoping the best for the Repronex.

And here's some more pics. Trying to document the journey so I can look back and re-live the fun and emotion. *chuckle*





Ok ladies, let's get to work!

Sitting in my room...

Well, I'm currently attending a conference and even though it's been so nice to have time to myself, eat good food and stay in a really comfy hotel room - I really, really miss my DH. Going home tomorrow so it will be good to be home again.

I'm sitting in my room waiting for my alarm to go off for my Lupron injection and trying to keep down the antibiotics I took right after dinner. I don't have any crackers to munch on or hard candies so I'm feeling a little bit bummed but it is too cold to go out and brave it. The upside... only 2 more days on these things!! Sunday will be my day of freedom and I'm looking forward to it.

I would have liked to stay downstairs longer and talked with folks - but they were all going for glasses of wine/beer and I could see it getting late and I need to do my shot soon. That and I can't drink right now. So even though I'm not wanting to drink, I need to do my shot AND would much rather get to bed early... I'm still feeling sorry for myself. I'll muddle through but right now is just a tough time and anxiety is a bit high.

Currently praying for strength.

Desogen BCP

Quick question to those who have been on Desogen...

Did you find that the pill made you feel like crap? There's not really one major thing that it is doing to me but my tummy just feels "off," I'm cranky, tired and just feeling like I want to crawl into a hole and tell the entire world to pi$$ off.

*blink blink* This isn't me and yet has been me since starting this last Thursday. Nothing I can't deal with... but I'm afraid it's bugging the heck out of those who have to deal with me on a day-to-day basis. *smirk*

Anyone?

Shouldn't be happening...

Well, I have 2 days left on medroxyprogesterone and then my CD1 should come after another 5 days to 2 weeks... and tonight I am having what would lead me to fully believe on a regular cycle that tomorrow would be CD1. Going to call tomorrow and see what the answer might be - but of course tonight I'm thinking bad thoughts, nervous, anxious and all in all worried that something is very wrong.

So nothing new to really report... except that emotions are high and anxiety is crazy. More info when I know more myself.

Merry Christmas

First of all, Merry Christmas to each of you and all the blessings in the world. This is such a time of focusing on family, friends and all that can be.

I'm trying really hard to take those deep breaths, calm down and see IVF as an adventure ... but good gosh, I have those feelings of "there's no way I can do this!" (more emotionally than physically)

Well, here's what my personal IVF experience will be:

CD = cycle day
SQ = sub-cutaneous (just below skin)
IM = intramuscular (into the muslce, read: butt)

Suppression Phase:
- CD1: start Desogen (brth control pill)
- Lupron 10 units SQ (start approx 2 weeks in)
- baby asprin (continue til told to stop)
- doxycycline 100mg (7 days)
- flagyl 500mg (7 days)
- IVF Baseline Scan and Blood Work

Stimulation Phase
- Follistim 225 IU, every morning SQ
- Repronex, 3 powders mixed w/1ml of water every night SQ
- continue Lupron 10 units every evening
- 3 days in ultrasound and estradiol
- 2 days later same tests, then as needed til 18mm follicle
- when follicle lg enough stop lupron, take ovidrel SQ
- egg retrieval 35 hours later

Egg Retrieval and Embryo Transfer Phase
- Doxycline to prevent infection
- IV sedation via IV (fentanyl and Versed)
- rest at home day after retrieval (stay flat)
- start prsterone 50mg IM
- Prometrium 200mg capsule vaginally on morning of transfer
- pregnancy test 12-14 days after transfer
- 7 days after retrieval start vielle patches (estrogen)

This is all pretty overwhelming. I hope to hit CD1 here this weekend and have already filled my prescription for my BCP and have my asprin so I'm ready to go. Trying to stay stress free (how do you DO that?) and hoping that 2010 might bring with it a blessing from above.

Merry Christmas all and warm blessings.

CD1

AF has arrived and the cramps are about a 8 out of 10. Midol on board and heating pad applied and hoping that things improve.

Working from home today as yesterday was an emotional struggle that made being at work uncomfortable for both myself and my co-workers who can't put their finger on what might be going on. I'm very blessed to have a boss who understands.

It's amazing just how many tears one seems to have.

HSG X-Ray Study

I should NOT surf the net the night before a procedure to find out more about it. Now I'm scared to death that it will be horrible pain from cramping during the procedure. I'm taking ibuprofen prior to the procedure to help me relax but when I'm starting out so worried that'll be hard to do.

I wasn't worried til last night and I started surfing comments by women who have had an HSG run and they all said it was horrible and the pain was intense. Hmmm.

So I have the procedure here in about 4 hours and I'll post back to let you all know a) just how horrible it was or b) just how nervous I got for no reason.

Anyone have this procedure and could pass along any feedback?
Blessings.

Friday, Time to catch up

First of all, a special thank you to the two of you who sent me emails asking if things were ok as you hadn't seen me posting in awhile. I'm doing ok, just have been really emotional lately and haven't wanted to blog about it. Feeling a bit better now but still struggling with the whole "nothing seems to be working" side of things.

Today I went for my u/s as I was CD14 and usually have one on CD15, but that would fall tomorrow, Saturday. So I went in today and found out that I have two small follies on my right side and a bigger (17) on the left... along with a big ol bully of a cyst. *sigh* Not enough to cancel this month's IUI but something to watch.

So here's the timeline:
Tomorrow, Saturday: 9:30pm Ovidrel trigger shot
Monday Morning, IUI

Should things not work and AF shows, then on CD3 we'll check to see if the cyst is gone via another u/s. IF gone we will continue on ... but if it is still there we'll have to stop and take care of it with a month on Birth Control Pills and try to flush it out. Argh. So I'm prayin that things will work out and we get lucky with a blessing THIS month and not have to worry about things... or at least the cyst will give up ship and move along.

It's always something.

Horrible 24 Hours

Unbelieveable.

Started on my home last night when I stopped to get my allergy shot. We've been stepping up the dose each week just fine and then WHAM ... swelling, breathing issues and a bit of panic led to an epinephrine shot and an hour of laying in a back room. Had the major shakes and a headache for the next 2 hours. Whew, what an experience.

And then there was today. A horrible meeting at work in which we spent 2 hours accomplishing nothing but listening to our leader whine about how busy he is and how he wants someone else to take over. We are all busy. And it's not like he has to do any prep between meetings or any writing. Sigh. Frustrating.

At four I left work to head to the dentist (a huge anxiety attack moment for me) and found out I have an old filling on the left that is falling apart and causing problems. I haven't gotten any pain yet so I'm glad they caught it at my cleaning. So another big chunk of money and a blissful day at the "spa" in the next week or so. Sucks.

Come on life, cut me a break!

Believe

“Believe in the power of believing. Say “I believe,” and believe it. Believe in something, anything that gives you the courage and strength to continue on when it would be so easy to give up. Believe that you’re beautiful. Believe that you deserve to be happy. Believe that you have choices and that you can choose wisely. Above all, believe in yourself.” – Rachel Snyder

This is the quote on my calendar in my office and a soft reminder for me as I go through a rough day of anxiety. Tears are coming easily today - and I'm not really sure why. Just a quiet day. Hope you are all well. *hugs*

Monday. Argh.

Last night I didn't sleep very well and around midnight had to ask the DH to take his snoring elsewhere. He must be pretty stuffed up as that's the only time he snores. The rest of the night was filled with really weird dreams and I kept waking up for a brief moment thinking "what the hell?" I'd fall back asleep and then find myself waking again to another moment of severe confusion. Odd.

So today I'm tired, cranky, moody and really anxious. I haven't had a high anxiety day for quite awhile and not sure what's bringing it on. Bah.

On friday I'll go for my bloodwork and will be praying for high numbers, which will then mean I ovulated this cycle. That would be HUGE! Seems like Friday is a very long way off and I really, really hope I wouldn't have to wait for my results until Monday. I mean I could do it... but this weekend I'd be hacked. *smirk*

Cycle Day 11

Only one line this morning on the OPK - but that's to be expected. Hopefully we'll see a change by the weekend. Come on ovulation. *sigh*

Last night was a really, really rough night. Went to bed at 10:30pm and rolled around and felt my heart pounding (anxiety type of attack) for hours. I'm assuming I finally fell asleep by 3am as I don't remember seeing the clock after around 2:45am. So now I get a full day at work completely exhausted and yawning like crazy. I need a nap. Argh. No clue what kicked off the anxiety last night.

It sounds like Di had a good weekend and is still hanging in there. I'm so glad her husband, son and daughter are getting some quality time in. I remember going through that with my father and every moment is precious.

Finally, today's scripture struck a chord with me:
“Bow down to the Lord. He will lift you up.” (James 4:10)

A big ol Amen to that. Be well, all.