Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Ringing in 2010 w/Medroxyprogesterone

Well, my cycle hasn't started yet and I'm on CD36. So that means starting medroxyprogesterone. I used this medication last cycle to force the cycle and it worked like a charm. 10 days on the med and then 5 days later I had CD1.

So my CD1 should fall 2 weeks from now and I will start my first IVF cycle with a lot of prayers for patience, strength and determination.

Happy New Year to you all and blessings in 2010.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

First of all, Merry Christmas to each of you and all the blessings in the world. This is such a time of focusing on family, friends and all that can be.

I'm trying really hard to take those deep breaths, calm down and see IVF as an adventure ... but good gosh, I have those feelings of "there's no way I can do this!" (more emotionally than physically)

Well, here's what my personal IVF experience will be:

CD = cycle day
SQ = sub-cutaneous (just below skin)
IM = intramuscular (into the muslce, read: butt)

Suppression Phase:
- CD1: start Desogen (brth control pill)
- Lupron 10 units SQ (start approx 2 weeks in)
- baby asprin (continue til told to stop)
- doxycycline 100mg (7 days)
- flagyl 500mg (7 days)
- IVF Baseline Scan and Blood Work

Stimulation Phase
- Follistim 225 IU, every morning SQ
- Repronex, 3 powders mixed w/1ml of water every night SQ
- continue Lupron 10 units every evening
- 3 days in ultrasound and estradiol
- 2 days later same tests, then as needed til 18mm follicle
- when follicle lg enough stop lupron, take ovidrel SQ
- egg retrieval 35 hours later

Egg Retrieval and Embryo Transfer Phase
- Doxycline to prevent infection
- IV sedation via IV (fentanyl and Versed)
- rest at home day after retrieval (stay flat)
- start prsterone 50mg IM
- Prometrium 200mg capsule vaginally on morning of transfer
- pregnancy test 12-14 days after transfer
- 7 days after retrieval start vielle patches (estrogen)

This is all pretty overwhelming. I hope to hit CD1 here this weekend and have already filled my prescription for my BCP and have my asprin so I'm ready to go. Trying to stay stress free (how do you DO that?) and hoping that 2010 might bring with it a blessing from above.

Merry Christmas all and warm blessings.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Journey Continues

Well, we're still out there and praying, hoping and working towards our miracle. My heart is hopeful but yet aches like nothing I've ever experienced before.

Life has been... weird. We are starting our "pre-ivf" treatments and working down our checklist of things we need to accomplish prior to starting our treatment in January. So far I've done bloodwork and some really awesome ultrasound tests. They are always such a joy. *mutter mutter* Had my sonohysterogram and the procedure was really pretty easy. Everything looks great - no abnormalities.

Started Clomid on CD5 and took it through CD9 for this series of bloodwork. This is the medicine that makes me cry at the drop of a hat. Broke down in a Subway on and had to excuse myself to the restroom to cry. Nothing like that to make one wonder if that's what it's like to go crazy. Fun fun.

CD3 bloodwork:
FSH (follicle stimulating hormone): 3.30
LH (luteinizing hormone): 2.16
Prolactin: 21.30
TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone): 2.23

CD10 bloodwork:
Estrogen 86; FSH 6.9; Projecterone .8

My estradiol level is high but they told me that they're not overly concerned. I'm nervous, but trying not to be.

Estradiol II: 228.86 (34 to 186)

I'll try to check in more but things will really start to move in late December into January through March. Thanks to all who might still be following me and helping me emotionally through this tough journey. *hugs*

Monday, July 6, 2009


Yup, major cramping going on along with headaches that could bring down a buffalo. Definately Day 1 and will be starting the Femera again on Wednesday.

I realize HE doesn't give us more than we can handle... but wow. HE must think really highly of me and my patience level. Going to keep fighting.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Emotionally Charged

Today I'm cramping and having light spotting and it's only CD24. It's amazing how just a little spotting can bring a flow of tears and a sense of failure. I just on't know how much more I can take of this. This journey is emotionally and physically draining. I can't push aside the feeling that this will never happen for us.

So hard.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

CD15, Tomorrow is our day

Following the tests this morning *wince* it appears tomorrow will be “our day” again. It happens to fall on our 4th wedding anniversary. Trying to hold onto the fact things will go well but my pessimism runs high (no matter how much I try to tell myself different).

Today's u/s showed two follies on the right and one on the left.

If you could say a soft prayer tomorrow that’d be awesome.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Day Before

Today is CD2 so tomorrow I start my meds so I'm sipping on an adult beverage tonight just to relax and remind myself what beer tastes like. DH and I have begun to talk about insurance changes in the future and planning for IVF and even brushing with the ideas of adoption and such.

I wish I had more control with the planning that could go with building a family, but it appears that I need to "let go, and let God".

Tomorrow will be CD3 and back on Femara 7.5mg and another IUI cycle.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


AF has arrived and the cramps are about a 8 out of 10. Midol on board and heating pad applied and hoping that things improve.

Working from home today as yesterday was an emotional struggle that made being at work uncomfortable for both myself and my co-workers who can't put their finger on what might be going on. I'm very blessed to have a boss who understands.

It's amazing just how many tears one seems to have.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


Yesterday I went in for my progesterone test and today received the result... 29. *boggle* That is by far my highest level and I'm so glad to see that the femera is working for us. Another week and hopefully we'll get to test if AF doesn't show up.

Lately I've felt slightly sick to my stomach and crampy on that left side and today I'm home this afternoon as I took the full day off due to a violent migraine this morning. I thought I was going to get sick about three times but now my stomach has settled some and I have just that numb headache feeling. Aint life grand?

I heard the following scripture on the radio driving home yesterday after an emotional day - beautiful.

Psalm 32:8
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


U/S showed good news today. Left side (side that has been cramping like crazy) shows a 14 and a 24. I've never had a follie over 21 before so that's promising. Tomorrow is our day and then we begin the 2ww.

Sorry my updates have been few, far between and short but I guess I'm just as enthusiastic as I once was. So hard to stay positive. Any advice along that line would be more than welcome. We've been trying full on since November and it's starting to seem impossible.

*hugs* Thanks all.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Tomorrow morning I go in for my CD15 u/s to see how my follicles look. Tonight I'm trying to get some relief from cramping with a heating pad. It's crazy that I'm cramping like mad on the left side but we'll see more tomorrow morning. Bleh.

In other news, I bit down on a chip today at lunch and knocked off a bit of my lower silver filling. Now I'm really sensitive to hot and cold and need to get into the dentist. Bah, life is just one challenge after another.

Hanging in there and hope everyone else is well.

Monday, May 11, 2009


Called and refilled my prescription for Femara. Today is CD1 ... starting meds again on CD3, May 13th. Onwards to another cycle.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


I'd love to be posting more but the honesty of the situation is that I'm down, I'm depressed and I'm becoming more convinced that fertility is just something I need to pack up, put away and move on. *Sigh* I'm trying to pull my sorry arse out of this funk but right now it's not happening.

Hang in there with me ... I'll get better.

Monday, April 27, 2009

CD16 - IUI

Sorry I haven't been blogging much but I can only explain it as I am finding this journey really hard and so I've been trying not to focus on it as much as I once did. Otherwise things are pretty much the same-ol same-ol.

Yesterday was CD15 and I had an u/s to check on my follicles as I can't get an OPK to trigger to save my life. I had three smaller follies on the right and one beefy one on the left. I had my IUI today and we had 29million swimmers at 66% motility. We are now in the 2ww an praying hard for patience as we walk through another cycle.

Thank you all for your well wishes and keeping us in your thoughts.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

God is Good

Today is CD3 and I had an u/s to see if my large cyst had passed on its own - otherwise we were going to need to take another month off and hit it with meds to get it to pass. There was no evidence of the cyst at all and we are able to start our Femara cycle and get on with trying for our miracle. God is so good.

We will be going on 7.5mg of Femara for this cycle and I'm also going to try to walk more along with maybe starting a bit of yoga. Promised myself I'd start slow - otherwise I tend to get overwhelmed and quit before I get going.

James 1:2-8
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." Amen

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

HSG X-Ray Study Update

Well, I survived. For anyone who wonders what this procedure is like I'll do my best to recap my afternoon:

~1pm: Take motrin tablets
~2pm: Took one Xanax for anxiety
~3pm: Showed upto Iowa Radiology and...
- changed into a gown
- led to xray room and begins much like a pap
- then feel more pressure and receive dye
- dye caused intense cramping for approx 3-4 minutes
- cleaned up and allowed to redress
~3:40: Left the office and came home

I would say on a level of 1-10 (10 being worst pain imaginable) it was about a 6. I've had much worse procedures but still this one ranks in the list of "glad it's over, don't want to do it again."

Best news: Everything is open and we are ready to start another round of Femera this next cycle. *hugs* Thanks for the well wishes here as well as in my email box.

HSG X-Ray Study

I should NOT surf the net the night before a procedure to find out more about it. Now I'm scared to death that it will be horrible pain from cramping during the procedure. I'm taking ibuprofen prior to the procedure to help me relax but when I'm starting out so worried that'll be hard to do.

I wasn't worried til last night and I started surfing comments by women who have had an HSG run and they all said it was horrible and the pain was intense. Hmmm.

So I have the procedure here in about 4 hours and I'll post back to let you all know a) just how horrible it was or b) just how nervous I got for no reason.

Anyone have this procedure and could pass along any feedback?

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Show And Tell

We woke this morning to find a soft snow falling and it is almost 7pm now and is still gently falling. Our daffodils are covered but I'm not sure how they'll do. Our front tree, which had been budding, is coated in ice and snow now.

See who else is sharing.

Friday, April 3, 2009

2009 Game Plan

The past 2 weeks I've not let myself wonder what CD I'm on, what I'm feeling, planning for the next day, PoAS, etc... and it's been wonderful. It's helped me refocus and I think I'm ready to move on and get back on the wonderful fertility wagon.

This past Thurs we met with the RE and have decided on the following timeline:

Next Tuesday:
- HSG X-Ray Study ($315)

Whenever CD2 Arrives (approx Apr 15):
Basal Antral Follicle County U/S
making sure cyst is gone prior to next cycle

From there we will start another Femara cycle and go 4-6 cycles of that depending on how well the HSG test comes out (tubes are all open) and the ovulation keeps up. If after 6 months we are no further along we will need to discuss changing insurance (if possible) and trying IVF by the end of the year. (it has been discussed and the injection cycles are not in the plan)

So, there it is in black and white. I have a game plan and will need to put on my game face. The good news is that it's Chicago Cubs season opener in 3 days so my boys of summer should help time go a bit faster.

Special thank yous to those of you who haven't given up on me.
*hugs and blessings*

Sunday, March 15, 2009


Tomorrow will be CD1. We're taking a month off and will be meeting with our RE on April 4th and see where we go from here.

Not in a happy place right now.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


Well, today is CD29 and my past 4 cycles were 28CD-28CD-29CD ... so I figure AF will be showing up soon. Not to say I'm not holding out hope that this is our month, that would be such a blessing - but I'm just feeling different other than being very tired and having headaches. Low back is hurting but that's due to my bad back. Bleh.

I tried testing last night (11dp iui) and BFN. Trying to tell myself it was too early and not to give up hope.

Hope you are all well.

Monday, March 9, 2009

God is Good

After the week from heck this morning I headed in for my monthly bloodwork check to see how the progesterone level looked this cycle. My first two cycles on Clomid were .6 and 1.5, meaning no ovulation. My RE changed me to femara and last cycle it was a 10.4 and this cycle... 11.6!

The ladies worked it out - I ovulated! Blessed be.

So this means that next week I'll be able to PoAS and go from there. I'm still aching like crazy and my co-worker just brought in her little girl who is now 7 months old and so now I smell like "baby" - but God IS good and I know in my heart that somehow he'll help us walk this journey.

Thank you all for your kind words. *hugs*

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Show and Tell, Date Night

For Valentines Day my DH and I took time out and went out for lunch and then we went mini-golfing in the mall. It's a place called "glow-golf" and we had a lot of fun. Little distractions are always wonderful.

See who else is Showing & Telling.

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I'm doing better and hoping that once the meds start moving out of my system a bit more then I'll be more "myself" and less this down in the dumps gal seemingly lost and without hope... someone I honestly don't recognize.

*hugs* Thanks for taking this journey with me.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I'm sorry, but...

I'm at the place where I'm trying really hard not to be jealous and not react negatively when I hear people talk about their own blessings and I'm working towards standing once more in the sunlight and be 100% honest when I say I'm in a good and happy place.

The fact of the matter is... I'm currently not.

So please, if you find yourself anywhere on the following list please know that in my heart of hearts I am thrilled for you and am prayerfully thankful that you have had the blessing(s) you have... but right now it's just hard for me.

1. You are pregnant
2. Your adoption is close to happening
3. You have a little one

So that makes a very narrow part of the population that doesn't make me cry or my heart ache. It's not your fault. It's noone's fault. Give me a little time and I'll get better - I promise.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Bloating, Numbers and IUI #4

Taking a moment to touch base. Following my Ovidrel injection last Saturday I have been BEYOND bloated. I mean it has been crazy. I'm hoping that this goes away soon as my jeans have been tight and I just feel like crap. Argh.

Our numbers were good this cycle:
30million and 61% motility

The IUI today was really painful. My nurse was awesome and helped me breathe through it and it took a long time to complete the procedure but I appreciated the extra time she gave me to breathe and relax. The first three weren't the most painfree procedures ever... but this one, wow. I cried.

Now we step back and pray for patience, strength and blessings.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Losing Myself

Last night was so hard. Had nightmares and woke up crying twice. This morning I'm going about my daily life as if I'm lost. I feel like a babymaking machine right now and I just want to be _me_. Does that make sense? I'm willing to do anything I can to receive our blessing ... but I feel like I'm losing myself in the process.

Everything I do seems to revolve around this quest and it's really breaking me down. I'm positive the 3 co-workers who are due in March/April and the three others who announced just after Christmas isn't helping ... I'm broken and I'm disappointed in myself.

It's just so frickin HARD.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Friday, Time to catch up

First of all, a special thank you to the two of you who sent me emails asking if things were ok as you hadn't seen me posting in awhile. I'm doing ok, just have been really emotional lately and haven't wanted to blog about it. Feeling a bit better now but still struggling with the whole "nothing seems to be working" side of things.

Today I went for my u/s as I was CD14 and usually have one on CD15, but that would fall tomorrow, Saturday. So I went in today and found out that I have two small follies on my right side and a bigger (17) on the left... along with a big ol bully of a cyst. *sigh* Not enough to cancel this month's IUI but something to watch.

So here's the timeline:
Tomorrow, Saturday: 9:30pm Ovidrel trigger shot
Monday Morning, IUI

Should things not work and AF shows, then on CD3 we'll check to see if the cyst is gone via another u/s. IF gone we will continue on ... but if it is still there we'll have to stop and take care of it with a month on Birth Control Pills and try to flush it out. Argh. So I'm prayin that things will work out and we get lucky with a blessing THIS month and not have to worry about things... or at least the cyst will give up ship and move along.

It's always something.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Show and Tell

For this week's Show and Tell I'd love to share a photo of Tristan, my bestest buddy for the past 10 years. He has been with me through so very much and still loves me unconditionally - what a guy. Bubba, I love ya.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Surrounded by Love

The past two days I've been stopping to smell the roses and really pay attention to the blessings the Lord has already given me in this life. I have so many friends, loved ones, family and of course my DH ... and that in itself is better than gold.

I have been reading the book "90 Minutes in Heaven" and have been touched by the story of Don Piper. He was killed instantly in a car accident; pronounced dead at the scene. He was prayed over by another man and 90 minutes later came to, singing. He speaks very little about his experience in Heaven and mostly about his recovery and lessons learned. It has been an amazing book.

Health wise I keep trucking along. On Thursday morning I finally broke down and went to my ear doctor and said I couldn't take the pain running down my right jaw anymore. He told me the source of my pain was my right ear tube was trying to come out and was laying over on a badly irritated spot on my ear drum. So he yanked it out and after about 2 hours my ear felt SO much better. My left tube looked good and could be another month or two. I had them put in last fall due to excessive fluid in my ears that were causing lots of pain.

I am so thankful that pain has gone away. I hope you are all well. *hugs*

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Green Eyed Monster

Two of my close co-workers are now expecting their second children in the time I haven't been able to conceive our first and I got to spend an entire lunch hour with them (I was the third to their two) and listen about how the babies are coming along and how they are thrilled to be giving their little ones a sibling. A solid hour of nodding, fake smiling and choking down the emotion I felt building.

I came back to the office and went directly to the restroom on another floor and cried. I know they don't know and they don't realize and maybe I needed to say something - but that's just not my way of handling things. I always internalize it and don't make waves. But good Lord it HURTS.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Horrible 24 Hours


Started on my home last night when I stopped to get my allergy shot. We've been stepping up the dose each week just fine and then WHAM ... swelling, breathing issues and a bit of panic led to an epinephrine shot and an hour of laying in a back room. Had the major shakes and a headache for the next 2 hours. Whew, what an experience.

And then there was today. A horrible meeting at work in which we spent 2 hours accomplishing nothing but listening to our leader whine about how busy he is and how he wants someone else to take over. We are all busy. And it's not like he has to do any prep between meetings or any writing. Sigh. Frustrating.

At four I left work to head to the dentist (a huge anxiety attack moment for me) and found out I have an old filling on the left that is falling apart and causing problems. I haven't gotten any pain yet so I'm glad they caught it at my cleaning. So another big chunk of money and a blissful day at the "spa" in the next week or so. Sucks.

Come on life, cut me a break!

Monday, February 16, 2009


Ok, so today is CD3 and so yesterday I called into my RE and said "I need a refill on my Femara for this next month." This morning first thing I get a call back and the nurse says "I believe he wanted you to goto injectables if the Femara didn't work." To this I answered "but I ovulated!" She's going to talk to the doc and call me back later today.

Am I the only one in the world who thinks that just plain ovulating was the biggest breakthrough since putting man on the moon? I trust my RE 100% but was thinking that we were going down the right track so I'm not sure why he'd want to go down a new pathway just yet. *sigh* Confusion running high.

Ok, going to try to calm it down. Finding out that when I have AF visiting that I'm perhaps just a tiny bit more touchy than normal. *smirk* DH might have a little different perspective on that. So... now I wait for the call back.

The nurse called back (within 45 minutes, I love that staff) and said that he agrees with me that if I feel that 2 more months of Femara is worth trying he'll totally work with that. So they are calling in a refill and I'll start that today.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

Here's hoping each of you find a little love in the world today. Not much to say from my part of the world... but being able to hold and kiss my DH was more than enough of a blessing.

Today is CD1.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday the 13th's Testing Woes

This morning I woke up early with a start and found myself in tears. I must have been having one heck of a bad dream. It's odd, as normally I remember my dreams and they are usually quite vivid. As I was up I decided to head to the restroom and ... I decided to test.

The result? Nothing. Not even the control line. *sigh* Somebody is messin with me. When the DH finally woke he asked if I had tested and I told him what happened. With serious eyes he asked "did you do the test right?" I literally had to laugh and explain I've been POAS for quite awhile now... and it's not exactly rocket science (sorry Sheldon).

So now I'm at work and thinking "what the heck." I kind of wanted to know - but in some ways am glad I didn't see a BFN. Argh. Anyone else ever get a test that shows nothing? I have 2 more out of the three pack and I'm not sure I want to use em.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

Today (Thursday) my DH walked into my office just after lunch to deliver a bouquet of balloons that are unbelievably huge. He knows that balloons make me smile so he got me some that are in the shape of huge roses. He's such a sweetheart and it really made my day.

You'll notice that I don't have any photos on here, nor do I give alot of information about who I am - but I thought I'd share an image of me and my biggest blessing. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and have a chance to be with the one you love.

Need to ReFocus

Saw a post over on Stacey's Blog and think it's a wonderful thing to step back and count my blessings. What a beautiful idea. So... here are my 14...

1. My husband. A true blessing.
2. Having such a large, loving family.
3. God's hand and loving presence, or I'd be lost.
4. My true, 2am friends.
5. Having a home and being financially stable.
6. My job. I love my job.
7. My co-workers, who are beyond awesome.
8. Winter. Yes, winter. It is my "reset button."
9. My cat, Tristan, who is now 10. My best buddy.
10. Science. Thankfully REs exist and can help me conceive.
11. Cheesecake.
12. Computers. They allow me to connect, journal and research.
13. Finding old friends again.
14. Seeing comments on my blog.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Life is Kickin me in the Boo-tay

Last night Diana passed away after over a year fighting cancer and then 2 weeks spent in the hospice. This woman had the most positive attitidue of anyone I've ever met. She was an elementary school teacher and would always wear bright colorful clothing and those "conversation buttons." Hats were always in style and she was a HUGE Chicago Cubs fan. I value greatly the time I spent with her and keep her family in my prayers now that she is gone. I have such a heavy heart and it will be hard to let the kids know that their favorite teacher is gone.

After finding out the news last night I tested. 10dpIUI and I tested. Negative. I know - it's too early - but I've got light spotting and I just don't feel pregnant. I'll test again this weekend if AF doesn't show - but I tested and don't know anything new because of it. Hoping it was negative because I have no patience and it's just way early.

Now I just carry with me a heart that is broken and tears that will not leave my eyes. I feel battered, let down and frustrated that I can't control ANYTHING. Sorry to be such a downer but today is just kickin me in the arse emotionally.

It wasn't until I posted and then viewed my blog that I read my scripture for the day. It is the scripture that we used (as do many) as the main scripture for our wedding. The Lord does speak when we most need to hear. What a blessing.

Scripture of the Day
“Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people's wrongs.”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


“Believe in the power of believing. Say “I believe,” and believe it. Believe in something, anything that gives you the courage and strength to continue on when it would be so easy to give up. Believe that you’re beautiful. Believe that you deserve to be happy. Believe that you have choices and that you can choose wisely. Above all, believe in yourself.” – Rachel Snyder

This is the quote on my calendar in my office and a soft reminder for me as I go through a rough day of anxiety. Tears are coming easily today - and I'm not really sure why. Just a quiet day. Hope you are all well. *hugs*

Monday, February 9, 2009

Come On Valentine's Day!

Well, my 2ww will end this Saturday - Valentine's Day. I'm thinking this could be either a really wonderful something I can share with the DH on the date I'm setting up ... OR it could be a lot of tears, frustration and a BIG glass of wine. We shall see.

The moon tonight was full and absolutely georgous. Driving home after dinner out with the DH I just couldn't take my eyes off it. Stunning full yellow moon on the black sky with just a few clouds floating by. I had hoped to get a photo but none came out... too many lights with the houses around here.

In other news we have a good friend whose wife had their baby this past Saturday... 6 weeks early. Little Natalie is in the NICU until she can eat on her own. She was 4lbs 10oz and is beautiful. Please keep them in your prayers as they wait to bring their little blessing home.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Feeling Better

Well, I think I'm finally seeing sunlight at the top of the fatigue well. No longer am I worried I'll never recover - but rather am bummed that I'm not fully there yet. I'm ready to be well, dangit. I'm almost thrilled to be returning to work tomorrow. I said... almost.

Time to Show and Tell again:

Here are some photos of our trip to Ireland in March 2008. The DH and I were able to go with a local group along with my mother and his parents. A trip of a lifetime.

The food, was awesome. This was a tuna melt and a Guiness in a little pub near Trinity College. Mmmm. Wonderful.

Rock of Cashel:
Cliffs of Mohr:
Dingle Bay:
Peat bogs:
Blarney Castle:

Friday, February 6, 2009

Bloodwork is in...

... and my progesterone level is 10.3! That means there was ovulaton this past month! I'm so thrilled that the combo of Femara, Ovidrel and acupuncture seemed to work this month. I feel a "little less broken." There's a ray of hope that's been opened in my heart that I was afraid was fading away.

Heading back to bed as I worked this morning but came home at lunchtime because I'm just too fatigued. Feeling shaky and really need a nap - but wanted to post an update that was such great news.

Now... if AF does show up by the end of next week I have other types of testing to do. What a journey.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Horrible 48 Hours

Well, I think I'm finally on the upside of being sick. Went to see the doctor yesterday morning due to severe cramping on my left side too low to be one of the ladies and running a fever. After a bunch of tests I have the virus that is going around (dreaded diarrhea and additional GI issues) AND a really bad urinary tract infection. Yea, go me. *Sigh*

48 LONG hours later I'm finally eating a little and the GI issues are getting better. I'm on amoxicillin for the urinary tract infection and hopefully things will all clear up soon. I'm hoping to go back to work tomorrow as I'm not a very good patient and I can't deal with another day of sleeping and watching Oprah.

Anyone have good suggestions on regaining your strength after a bad sickness? Bah.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Officially Sick

Came home an hour early today from work after feeling fine until around 2pm. The past 3 days I've felt out of sorts and tired but I figured it was just all part of "the journey." I'm now thinking it was just hinting as to what was coming around the corner.

I got home and my face is on fire, my eyes really hurt and I'm chilling. Haven't taken my temp but DH has told me that I'm "crazy hot."

I. Hate. Being. Sick.

Now, excuse me... I'm going to go have a pity party, climb into bed and watch the Biggest Loser. *sigh*

Monday, February 2, 2009

Show and Tell

Hoping on the "Show and Tell" bandwagon set up by the lady from Stirrup Queens and will do my best to post something the share each weekend. I have really enjoyed visiting those who currently participate and look forward to joining the group.

This week I'd like to share...

Yes, this is Mr. Buble. I'm a fan of Buble... ok, a bit more than just a fan. *swoon* I've now seen the man three times live and this past fall I was able to see him from the second row and the second half of the concert from the front lip of the stage. The photo above is not zoomed and is blurred like crazy because... get this... he was just too close! That concert I touched his foot, shook his hand and... touched his knee. I know, inappropriate - but I had a high school girl moment.

His music calms me and also pumps me up. You try to sit still while listening to his version of "Sway." Ahh, Buble.

Monday. Argh.

Last night I didn't sleep very well and around midnight had to ask the DH to take his snoring elsewhere. He must be pretty stuffed up as that's the only time he snores. The rest of the night was filled with really weird dreams and I kept waking up for a brief moment thinking "what the hell?" I'd fall back asleep and then find myself waking again to another moment of severe confusion. Odd.

So today I'm tired, cranky, moody and really anxious. I haven't had a high anxiety day for quite awhile and not sure what's bringing it on. Bah.

On friday I'll go for my bloodwork and will be praying for high numbers, which will then mean I ovulated this cycle. That would be HUGE! Seems like Friday is a very long way off and I really, really hope I wouldn't have to wait for my results until Monday. I mean I could do it... but this weekend I'd be hacked. *smirk*

Sunday, February 1, 2009


It's that time of year again and the DH and I usually head out and goto someone's SuperBowl party. It's nice to hang out with people and such - but this year we are going to stay in and watch the game together. Grabbing some snacks to munch on and just spend a low key afternoon together... I can't wait. =)

Going for Arizona due to Kurt Warner being our own local "boy." That being said, I think that the game will end up something around 24 (Steelers) to 17 (Cardinals). We'll see.

Saturday, January 31, 2009


In this tag, I was supposed to go to where I save my pictures on my computer and find the 5th folder and then post the 5th picture from that folder to my blog, along with telling the story behind it. So, here it goes...

This was taken last summer after my DH finished our new deck. He had a couple of co-workers help him with the beams and setting the footings but he did most of it completely on his own and it came out beautiful. So very proud of him. =)

If you're reading this I'd invite you to join in.

And now the 2ww

This morning we had our IUI and things look really good. DH's numbers were awesome and after going over the slight cramps and other symptoms I've had in the past 24 hours our RE let me know that things are progressing well. Next Friday I go in for my progesterone bloodwork and pray for something over a 10. If it is we have another 1 week to wait to test for pregnancy. Sooo... here's to the next week flying by.

I'm not a huge "that's an omen!" kinda gal... but I have to mention that as we were starting the procedure this morning I had to chuckle as over the office speakers (their piped in music) came the soothing, sultry voice of none other than Michael Buble... singing "Lost." How cool is that?

Thursday, January 29, 2009


Well, this morning there was no hint of a second line on the OPK and as I'll be out of town tomorrow I called today to ask what I should do as my CD15 is out of town and CD16-17 will be over the weekend. They called back and I will have an u/s today over my lunch hour to see how we are progressing and plan from there.

I'm also excited to see what the ladies have been upto and I'm pretty sure this month's activity is in Ms Left's corner. She's been cranky the last two days. So I'll know more this afternoon and will try to update then.

The u/s went really well and I have 2 follies (20 and 20.5) on the left side ready to go. The only "problem" is I'm out of town tomorrow. So I've been given 250 MCG / .5ml of Ovidrel that I get to inject into my tummy tonight and then go in for the IUI first thing Saturday morning. Exciting and scary at the same time. I'm thinking "don't release yet" happy thoughts.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A Letter to the Ladies

My doctor is so very wonderful. I went in due to my throat being sore and my ears being full and got some stuff that should help with that. Before I left she asked me how the fertility treatments were going and I started to cry. Embarassing. I'm not one to cry infront of people - and she knew that.

She then told me that she had gone to a fertility clinic after 8 months of trying and is still trying... My jaw hit the floor. She's thin, in wonderful shape and (ok, I'll say it) looks normal! It always amazes me just how many women have troubles and yet its still a taboo to talk about or confess to - at least from my perspective. That's when she told me what helped her get through it... frequent notes to "the ladies." So here goes...

Morning ladies, have a moment?

We've been through quite a bit together. Many years ago things were going along just fine and then we had that stumbling block of ovarian cyst issues. Went on the pill and got things to calm down and there were calm waters after that. It would be 15 long years before we went off that medication and when we went off you did your job beautifully ... giving us a little bean after only 4 months of trying. I don't blame you at all for the loss of that little bean as it just wasn't meant to be.

Now it is 2 years later and we're still trying for another little bean. You must be feeling a little different with the various amounts of Clomid and Femara coming at you. Whatever might help you I'm willing to do. Acupuncture should also get you working a bit smoother.

So, ladies, we're in this together. I know you have a ton of eggs in there and if you could just pop out one (or two) this cycle I'd love ya forever. Don't forget that God is walking this journey with us as well and having his support is huge.

That's all for now, now... let's rock!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

My Blessing, a restful night

Last night I went to bed very early with a good book and let myself calm down. No Guitar Hero or computer work. By the time DH came to bed I was starting to fall asleep. I slept all night long - no anxiety attacks. Today I'm feeling a bit better and so thankful I had a good night.

Today I'll have my second acupuncture treatment for this cycle. He has them spaced out for CD1, CD12 and CD22. If nothing else I think it's made me relax a bit more AND I feel like I'm "doing something." My guy seems to really know his stuff and he's helped me with other things (back pain, etc) before... so here's hoping he'll get my "woman parts" all in tip-top shape.

Lastly I've recognized that I'm a type of person who feels that she needs to be in control at all times. Also someone who sees the world in black and white... win or fail. I realize it isn't fair to judge how I'm doing by either winning or failing... but it does explain why I'm so frustrated right now. Argh. Lord, take the wheel.

Again, the daily scripture really helps:
"... And after you have done everything you can, you will still be standing.”
- Ephesians 6:13

Monday, January 26, 2009

Cycle Day 11

Only one line this morning on the OPK - but that's to be expected. Hopefully we'll see a change by the weekend. Come on ovulation. *sigh*

Last night was a really, really rough night. Went to bed at 10:30pm and rolled around and felt my heart pounding (anxiety type of attack) for hours. I'm assuming I finally fell asleep by 3am as I don't remember seeing the clock after around 2:45am. So now I get a full day at work completely exhausted and yawning like crazy. I need a nap. Argh. No clue what kicked off the anxiety last night.

It sounds like Di had a good weekend and is still hanging in there. I'm so glad her husband, son and daughter are getting some quality time in. I remember going through that with my father and every moment is precious.

Finally, today's scripture struck a chord with me:
“Bow down to the Lord. He will lift you up.” (James 4:10)

A big ol Amen to that. Be well, all.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Cycle Day 10

Well, tomorrow will be CD11 and I'm going to start doing my daily OPK and hoping for 2 lines. I really, really hope that the Femera is going to get my body to ovulate this month. Keeping my fingers crossed. In the past it appears my follies don't mature until CD18 or so but I'm going to start tomorrow vs CD13... because I can. *smirk*

Thank you all for leaving notes on my blog here. It's amazing to have so much support through this difficult journey.

Huge blessings - thank you.

Not just another Sunday

This morning I found myself laying in bed and not wanting to get up. It wasn't that I was tired or just didn't want to leave the warmth... but rather I was just emotionally not wanting to do another day. I'm tired, warn out and emotionally drained. I'm stuck. Days look the same and everynight I hold many of the same prayers close to my heart.

It's draining.

Today I took some time made up two short lists:

Things I can't control:
1. When/If I will become pregnant.
2. The health of others.
3. Whatever the future may throw at me.

Things I can control:
1. My overall health.
2. Letting others know I care and love them.
3. Working hard to keep positive.

So with the Lord's help and my DH at my side I will recognize the first list and act upon the second list. This is no easy task ... but I feel a calm about it and will go forward from here.

Thanks for "listening."

Friday, January 23, 2009

So Thankful

Today I was able to carve out some time over the lunch hour to go visit Di at the hospice center and unlike yesterday she was alert and talking. I was able to talk with her for about 10 minutes and she grasped my hand tightly before I left and I'll never forget the look in her eyes that said thank you for coming and the warmth and strength in her hands. I am so thankful that the Lord moved my heart to go see her, even if I didn't want to "see her that way."

I have heard since that she is not doing well and her family is with her. My heart aches and tears flow - but I am SO thankful for that final chance to talk with a friend before she begins her next great journey.

Oh Di, bless you.

PS: Di's favorite color is purple and altho I'm not a huge fan of that color I'm going to set my template purple for awhile.

In fertility news, I'm just waiting to begin OPK testing - which will begin early next week... so nothing much to report.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Not Dealing Well

Diana, who has been battling cancer over the past year, is thought to have had a stroke last night and is currently in a coma-like state and is moving to hospice this afternoon. She's only in her early 60s and her daughter was just married last year.

Di is a woman who would light up a room with her laugh and she was always wearing a "conversation pin" that would make you smile. She's an elem. school teacher and loved working with the young generation.

I know the hormones aren't helping - but damn. SO hard.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

16 Things

I noticed I was tagged by Stacey... wishing to know 16 things about me. I have a little bit of time so I'll go ahead and see if I can come up with 16...

1. Grew up in Iowa
2. Went to college in Missouri
3. Professional WebMaster (11+ years)
4. Loud sounds scare me easily
5. My favorite TV show is Big Bang Theory
6. I love clementines
7. Met my husband on a blind date
8. Lutheran
9. I have been to Italy and Ireland
10. I hate to fly
11. I love NY Style cheesecake
12. My heart aches for a little one
13. Favorite smell is fresh bread baking
14. Favorite sound is rain on the roof
15. Love watching "Lifetime" movies
16. Have been crosssitching since age 8

Stacey's blog:

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Busy, busy day

Today will be really busy so I'll just touch base now. I have four meetings at work, a large project to complete and also going to take an hour this morning to watch the inauguration of Obama as our 44th president.

Also, I have many things on my heart and without going into things in detail please ask the Lord to keep a hand on each of the following people as they are currently walking a difficult section of their journey: Josh, Mark, Diana and Sharon.


Monday, January 19, 2009

Just another day...

Well, so far so good on the Femara. If it reacts for me like the Clomid did I'll only get some hot flashes and headaches and maybe a touch of nausea in that third week... so we'll see.

Not much else to share. Hope all is well with you. *hug*

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

CD3, Starting Femara

I had a wonderful weekend with family members for a final Christmas get together and after the insense pain and cramping on Friday things have toned down a bit altho things are still heavy. It's such an emotional lift to have, of all things, a normal cycle. It's a feeling of "rebooting" and starting again.

Today I'm starting on Femara and hoping it will work this month and get my body to ovulate. I'm already talking to "the ladies" and letting them know that they are still carrying thousands of eggs and I would like just one if they wouldn't mind. Hoping that acupuncture and walking more might help things calm down, relax and kick into action... we shall see.

Just in case I haven't said it bluntly (or recently) ... my DH is the most wonderful, caring and understanding man in the world and he is the biggest blessing in my life. Love you.

Glitter Graphics

Friday, January 16, 2009

CD1, Let's get rolling.

Ok, enough whining. I read back through a bunch of my posts and man am I a gloomy Gus. I really need to also note the good things going in my life - because there are so many. I have been so very blessed in this life and I do recognize it - its just on here I tend to write about fertility issues only so those other things don't come up as much. It amazes me that so many of you still read even though its almost all downer material.

Thanks for that. *hugs*

So... today is definately CD1. On wednesday I had really, really dark spotting happening and yesterday was very dark kinda heavier spotting and I thought it was going to be a 3 day very light dark cycle like last month and then WHAM ... last night I woke up 3 times with major cramping going on. Today I'm sitting with a heating pad and taking some tylonal. Good gosh AF is here with a vengence ... and all I can say is "AWESOME!" It's amazing the things that make me think "bring it on!" but after going with weird cycles for awhile when the cramps finally kick in and the body works like it should I grin and bear it.

Picking up the OPKs, Femara and printing out a temperature chart. I'm going to go all out and see what all happens this month. Also starting acupuncture today so noone can't say I haven't gone in with guns a'blazin.

Again, thank you for walking this pathway with me.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

By the Numbers

I received the call. Progesterone was 1.5 this month. It went up - but still no ovulation. *sigh*

How do you deal with spending so much every month (ours is completely out of pocket, averaging $800/mo) and feeling like you have let your spouse down? I'm battling that really, really hard right now. I feel like I'm the broken one and he's stuck with a "defective wife." No matter how much he tells me that's just plain wrong - it still hurts my heart.

Next month the plan is switching to Femera 7.5 mg and trying that instead of continuing with the Clomid. Anyone take this pathway?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

And we wait...

Just got a call from the fertility clinic and she started the conversation by saying:

"Ann? This is N from Dr's... I'm really sorry" (this is where my heart fell into my stomach) "but your bloodwork wasn't tested this afternoon and it won't be until morning that we'll have your numbers..." Oh, well heck, that's not bad news. I thought she would say "your progesterone was a whopping .2 this month." So I wait a night. Ok, if I have to... I have to.

And as for the AF thing... today is 7 days post iui and AF should show up sometime this weekend... but the nurse said it _could_ be implementation bleeding. I'm cramping very lightly and it's very, very light...

"Oh Lord, please hold me in the palm of your hand."


Still waiting for 3:30 to come to find out if I ovulated this cycle... but in the meantime over lunch it appears that AF is planning to start quite soon. Another month wasted.

Tears just aren't enough anymore.

Bugs Bunny Bandaid

Gave my small blood sample this morning and got a Bugs Bunny bandaid. Honestly, I think it's pretty darn odd that a fertility clinic gives out kid bandages... but ok.

I asked the *ahem, hot* young lab worker when I could call for results and he said to check in tomorrow. Bah. Ok. So then I asked the girl at the checkout desk and she said to call back after 3:30pm. I mentioned what the guy said and she smirked and said "he's a guy... you probably wouldn't want to wait that long." She's so right. Another example of how I truly believe guys see this as a 1s and 0s type of thing whereas females are so much more moment to moment and emotion to emotion sorts of beings.

So now I wait... come on 3:30pm.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Blood Work Tomorrow...

... and praying for better numbers than last month. Saying soft prayers and asking for ovulation for this month. Even if there's no pregnancy... I NEED to know we're stepping in the right direction.

Hope you are all doing well.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Earlier this afternoon I hit an emotional roadblock. It came out of nowhere and felt like someone was screaming "sorry, you'll never be a mom - you might as well give it up." Tears came and I felt like I was going to fall apart. I pulled it together and made some hot tea and curled up with a book. It helped ... a little.

And then I popped in a little Michael Buble and "Lost" came on. I've always picked apart the song's meaning with the first few lines ... but if you listen to the rest of the song it really touches my heart as a woman growing older and feeling lost and like the "best time" for conceiving a child has passed me by. It might be that my heart was seaching for it... but it rang true. If you haven't listened to it I would highly recommend. *hugs*

"Lost" by Michael Buble

I can't believe it's over, I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew, The days were slipping past
That the good things never last, That you were crying...

Summer turned to winter, And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late, It's not too late

'Cause you are not alone, I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together, Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done, And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost, When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought, I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy, It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy, But you're not
Things have seem to changed, There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained, And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone, And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together, Till the light comes pouring through

'Cause when you feel like you're done, And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down, And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Movie Night

DH had to go into work for a bit today and I ran a bunch of errends and got 2 more rooms in the house cleaned and all the dishes done. Was a pretty productive day so we decided to order pizza and rent a movie. Cuddled up under blankets and watch "The Dark Knight." Amazing movie and it was nice to just "get away" for awhile.

In other news today is CD22 and other then my tummy still feeling off I have no symptoms at all. No cramps, no headaches, no feeling like anything is going on. I hope thigns are just being stealthy but in my head I'm pretty resigned to nothing is happening - but I'd LOVE to be proved wrong. *sigh*

Here's hoping everyone else is warm and having a good weekend.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Is everyone else pregnant?

Today I got the news that yet another friend is expecting. That's a total of 5 co-workers that I work with every day. Don't get me wrong - it is a true blessing that they are expecting. I'm thrilled for them and yet... my heart aches.

No matter how much I hope that it doesn't - I know that it changes my relationship with them both professionally and personally. I don't want to meet with them and I don't want to hear their voice as I know that eventually it will turn to the little one they are carrying. I'm starting to shut out many in my life as it's so painful - and I hate that. It's a very lonely place to find yourself.

In other news my nausea is still with me and my anxiety grows daily it seems. Emotions are running wild and like to swing back and forth by the moment.

TTC is such a crazy, crazy journey.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Nausea and Purpleness

Well, it's the first day after my IUI and starting yesterday around 4pm the nausea kicked in something fierce. I don't feel like things are going to come back up but I definately don't want to eat anything and I feel that "pressure" at the back of my throat. Nasty. Anyone else ever experience such a thing?

Also... you'll notice I've changed the look of my blog - again. I can't figure out how I want it to look. I'll more than likely change it when my boys of summer hit the field in April (Go Cubbies!) but until then I'm not sure what to go with so if it's different everytime you visit just know it's just me playing around with possibilities.

*hugs* Take care all, Ann

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


Ok, had the IUI this morning and the DH was a ROCK STAR! We had over 37million swimmers with 75% mobility. Last night I had some cramping around 9pm and this morning my tummy is a bit "off" and I have a headache ... so here's hopin for some ovulation.

So now we are on the 2ww. Will go in for some blood testing early next week and hopefully my progesterone will be higher then last month's .6 (no ovulation).

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." -Ecclesiastes 7:8

Monday, January 5, 2009

Oh look... another rollercoaster hill...

Well, went in for my u/s today (CD17) and told the gal (they are all SUPER nice where I go) that I'm not sure we should even do the "stupid" u/s (I was moody, I admit) because my line had gone away. She chuckled softly (in a nice way) and said that I shouldn't put all my stock into OPKs. She said "let's look anyway." So, I plunked down another $200 and... oh my gosh... good news?!?

I have 2 follies on the right side still (haven't O'd yet!) and she said they were 19 and 17. (which is really good...) So we do our IUI tomorrow morning. Going to talk to the DH about a possible back to back IUI (would be tomorrow and then also Wednesday) or we might wait another cycle and try that. I hate that all this is determined by the almighty dollar. *sigh* Any rich folks out there like to adopt a loving couple with fertility issues?

So there it is... I'm at the top of another hill and I'm going to let myself be happy - but guarded. Here we go again...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Fading Away

This morning I woke up and took my OPK test... and my faint line has vanished. I'm crushed. I can't help but be completely devistated and think there's no hope.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. *sigh*

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Emotionally Challenging

Just read another forum that I frequent and one of the users is shocked to find she's pregnant for the fourth time in four years. She's "not even sure she wants another"... blah blah blah. It was like a knife in the gut and my heart is in my throat. Going to go make some tea and have a good cry.

I understand HE doesn't give us more then we can handle... but - wow.

Hating the 2 Line Wait

Well, this morning the line was still really faint so no need to call in today. Looks like we'll just be using my appointment on Monday morning for another u/s to measure progress (Lord willing there will have been progress). *sigh* Emotional low today.

Come on... momma needs a surge.

Friday, January 2, 2009

The Starfish Story

While surfing online I stumble upon various things that make me pause, think and reflect and I'll try to share those things with you by posting them here so I can revisit them when I need a pick-me-up. *hugs*

The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”

“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”I made a difference for that one.”

CD14 ... Hmmm.

Well, this morning I called the doc and let them know that I've had a faint line on the OPK now for 2 days and now have a little bit of discharge. My tummy is a little off and I have a headache... other then that nothing. So I called mostly to ask with the weekend coming up what hours there were open and what to do if I'd get a magical surge... and they said "come on in today and we'll do an u/s and check how you're doing." Um... ok. :)

So I have my u/s here at 10:30 and I"m nervous. Afraid it will be:
a) Nope, nothing happening.
b) Sorry, we missed it this cycle.
c) Sorry... you're completely broken.

It amazes me how no matter how much pep talk I give myself - my first thoughts tend to be so negative. I need to be thinking "woo hoo, this might be it" or "it could be tomorrow" or "it's awesome that there's a little bit of LH now in my system!" Argh. That needs to be a new year's resolution for me ... work on a positive frame of mind.

Actually the news wasn't bad at all. The u/s shows that I'm not quite there yet ovulation wise but that I am definately "in process." We are going to hold steady and continue to watch the OPK results over the weekend and if I get a surge I'm calling in. Otherwise I have an appt on Monday for another u/s to see how much further along we are.

Lining: 9.5
Follies, right side: 11, 8
Follies, left side: 5, 7, 7.5

So... we continue to be patient. *smirk* Yea, right.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


Well, tonight as I headed to bed I'm feeling "crampy" and also very anxious. After about an hour of just laying there wishing sleep would come I knew that listening to my heart pound away wasn't the answer. So it is now coming up on midnight and I'm up and playing solitare on the computer to get myself to calm down and hopefully grow sleepy. Bleh.

Happy New Year!

Last night we went over to a friend's house and rang in the new year surrounded by good friends and a kiss from the DH at midnight. I found myself thinking back 5+ years and how I used to long for someone to call my own and settle down with. My DH is definately that man and I am so thankful for that blessing in my life.

This morning I woke up at my normal time for a restroom break and I used my daily OPK without even really thinking about it. As I waited and tried not to fall back asleep I noticed it produced a very slight line on the left... nowhere near where it needs to be - but the point here, my friends, is that there was a HINT of a LINE! This is awesome news. Hopefully the Clomid is doing its job! I love these small hints of hope that pop up along this journey.

Here's hoping I get a true second line this cycle... we shall see.