Our First IVF Cycle

Wanted to paste this re-cap here mostly for my benefit and so that I don't lose the information in my massive amount of email.

IVF#1 (Fresh)
01/07-01/27: Desogen BCP
01/21-02/16: Lupron 10 units SQ, every PM
01/24-01/30: Doxycycline 100mg, twice daily
01/24-01/30: Flagyl 500mg twice daily
02/04: Baseline u/s and bloodwork - looks great
02/08-02/16: Follistim 225 IU SQ, every AM
02/08-02/16: Repronex 225 IU SQ, every PM
02/09: E2 (38)
02/10 E2 (188)
02/12 E2 (398)
02/15 E2 (1023)
02/17: retrieved 10 eggs! .. 02/18: 6 fertilized!
02/18: Progesterone 50 mg IM 1x day
02/22: embryo transfer - 2 Embies transferred and 2 Frozen!
02/06: 1st Beta = 19, 02/08: 2nd Beta = 3 ...BFN

Retrieval Day

Last night had a horrible nightmare that I went in to retrieval and came out to hear there were no eggs. Woke up sweating and my heart just pounding... but it was my #1 worry with this procedure...

I didn't have to worry. I went in at 9:45am this morning and was called back at 10am. Got changed into a sexy and cheeky gown and given a warm blanket. IV started to help with happy juice and then had a short wait. Taken back and I don't remember much other then a couple of painful pokes and some uncomfortable pressure. All in all it was pertty much a breeze.

After a little bit of waiting the news came... 10 eggs! I was praying for anything over 5 and 7 would have been great... but 10! Now to see how they will fertilize and play nice. Thinking some darkness, a little mood music and warm thoughts and prayers should do it. Will hear more tomorrow about what our numbers look like and how things are going. Will post more when I have it.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and thoughts.

CD23

Yesterday I went in for my progesterone test and today received the result... 29. *boggle* That is by far my highest level and I'm so glad to see that the femera is working for us. Another week and hopefully we'll get to test if AF doesn't show up.

Lately I've felt slightly sick to my stomach and crampy on that left side and today I'm home this afternoon as I took the full day off due to a violent migraine this morning. I thought I was going to get sick about three times but now my stomach has settled some and I have just that numb headache feeling. Aint life grand?

I heard the following scripture on the radio driving home yesterday after an emotional day - beautiful.

Psalm 32:8
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

CD29

Well, today is CD29 and my past 4 cycles were 28CD-28CD-29CD ... so I figure AF will be showing up soon. Not to say I'm not holding out hope that this is our month, that would be such a blessing - but I'm just feeling different other than being very tired and having headaches. Low back is hurting but that's due to my bad back. Bleh.

I tried testing last night (11dp iui) and BFN. Trying to tell myself it was too early and not to give up hope.

Hope you are all well.

God is Good

After the week from heck this morning I headed in for my monthly bloodwork check to see how the progesterone level looked this cycle. My first two cycles on Clomid were .6 and 1.5, meaning no ovulation. My RE changed me to femara and last cycle it was a 10.4 and this cycle... 11.6!

The ladies worked it out - I ovulated! Blessed be.

So this means that next week I'll be able to PoAS and go from there. I'm still aching like crazy and my co-worker just brought in her little girl who is now 7 months old and so now I smell like "baby" - but God IS good and I know in my heart that somehow he'll help us walk this journey.

Thank you all for your kind words. *hugs*

Bloating, Numbers and IUI #4

Taking a moment to touch base. Following my Ovidrel injection last Saturday I have been BEYOND bloated. I mean it has been crazy. I'm hoping that this goes away soon as my jeans have been tight and I just feel like crap. Argh.

Our numbers were good this cycle:
30million and 61% motility

The IUI today was really painful. My nurse was awesome and helped me breathe through it and it took a long time to complete the procedure but I appreciated the extra time she gave me to breathe and relax. The first three weren't the most painfree procedures ever... but this one, wow. I cried.

Now we step back and pray for patience, strength and blessings.

Friday the 13th's Testing Woes

This morning I woke up early with a start and found myself in tears. I must have been having one heck of a bad dream. It's odd, as normally I remember my dreams and they are usually quite vivid. As I was up I decided to head to the restroom and ... I decided to test.

The result? Nothing. Not even the control line. *sigh* Somebody is messin with me. When the DH finally woke he asked if I had tested and I told him what happened. With serious eyes he asked "did you do the test right?" I literally had to laugh and explain I've been POAS for quite awhile now... and it's not exactly rocket science (sorry Sheldon).

So now I'm at work and thinking "what the heck." I kind of wanted to know - but in some ways am glad I didn't see a BFN. Argh. Anyone else ever get a test that shows nothing? I have 2 more out of the three pack and I'm not sure I want to use em.

Argh.

Life is Kickin me in the Boo-tay

Last night Diana passed away after over a year fighting cancer and then 2 weeks spent in the hospice. This woman had the most positive attitidue of anyone I've ever met. She was an elementary school teacher and would always wear bright colorful clothing and those "conversation buttons." Hats were always in style and she was a HUGE Chicago Cubs fan. I value greatly the time I spent with her and keep her family in my prayers now that she is gone. I have such a heavy heart and it will be hard to let the kids know that their favorite teacher is gone.

After finding out the news last night I tested. 10dpIUI and I tested. Negative. I know - it's too early - but I've got light spotting and I just don't feel pregnant. I'll test again this weekend if AF doesn't show - but I tested and don't know anything new because of it. Hoping it was negative because I have no patience and it's just way early.

Now I just carry with me a heart that is broken and tears that will not leave my eyes. I feel battered, let down and frustrated that I can't control ANYTHING. Sorry to be such a downer but today is just kickin me in the arse emotionally.

Update:
It wasn't until I posted and then viewed my blog that I read my scripture for the day. It is the scripture that we used (as do many) as the main scripture for our wedding. The Lord does speak when we most need to hear. What a blessing.

Scripture of the Day
“Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people's wrongs.”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Bloodwork is in...

... and my progesterone level is 10.3! That means there was ovulaton this past month! I'm so thrilled that the combo of Femara, Ovidrel and acupuncture seemed to work this month. I feel a "little less broken." There's a ray of hope that's been opened in my heart that I was afraid was fading away.

Heading back to bed as I worked this morning but came home at lunchtime because I'm just too fatigued. Feeling shaky and really need a nap - but wanted to post an update that was such great news.

Now... if AF does show up by the end of next week I have other types of testing to do. What a journey.

By the Numbers

I received the call. Progesterone was 1.5 this month. It went up - but still no ovulation. *sigh*

How do you deal with spending so much every month (ours is completely out of pocket, averaging $800/mo) and feeling like you have let your spouse down? I'm battling that really, really hard right now. I feel like I'm the broken one and he's stuck with a "defective wife." No matter how much he tells me that's just plain wrong - it still hurts my heart.

Next month the plan is switching to Femera 7.5 mg and trying that instead of continuing with the Clomid. Anyone take this pathway?

Bugs Bunny Bandaid

Gave my small blood sample this morning and got a Bugs Bunny bandaid. Honestly, I think it's pretty darn odd that a fertility clinic gives out kid bandages... but ok.

I asked the *ahem, hot* young lab worker when I could call for results and he said to check in tomorrow. Bah. Ok. So then I asked the girl at the checkout desk and she said to call back after 3:30pm. I mentioned what the guy said and she smirked and said "he's a guy... you probably wouldn't want to wait that long." She's so right. Another example of how I truly believe guys see this as a 1s and 0s type of thing whereas females are so much more moment to moment and emotion to emotion sorts of beings.

So now I wait... come on 3:30pm.

CD14 ... Hmmm.

Well, this morning I called the doc and let them know that I've had a faint line on the OPK now for 2 days and now have a little bit of discharge. My tummy is a little off and I have a headache... other then that nothing. So I called mostly to ask with the weekend coming up what hours there were open and what to do if I'd get a magical surge... and they said "come on in today and we'll do an u/s and check how you're doing." Um... ok. :)

So I have my u/s here at 10:30 and I"m nervous. Afraid it will be:
a) Nope, nothing happening.
b) Sorry, we missed it this cycle.
c) Sorry... you're completely broken.

It amazes me how no matter how much pep talk I give myself - my first thoughts tend to be so negative. I need to be thinking "woo hoo, this might be it" or "it could be tomorrow" or "it's awesome that there's a little bit of LH now in my system!" Argh. That needs to be a new year's resolution for me ... work on a positive frame of mind.


Update:
Actually the news wasn't bad at all. The u/s shows that I'm not quite there yet ovulation wise but that I am definately "in process." We are going to hold steady and continue to watch the OPK results over the weekend and if I get a surge I'm calling in. Otherwise I have an appt on Monday for another u/s to see how much further along we are.

Numbers:
Lining: 9.5
Follies, right side: 11, 8
Follies, left side: 5, 7, 7.5

So... we continue to be patient. *smirk* Yea, right.