Just received word that our beta blood work was negative. After falling apart at work I finally decided to take a co-worker's suggestion and came home and had an ugly cry. Feeling a bit better but boy does my heart ache.

Closing the book on 2.5 years of trying via iui/ivf and will now set our minds (and hearts) on beginning the process of adoption.

Thank you all for the continued prayers.

Transfer Day Went Well

Today went really well and I'm working on my 3 days of bed rest and downtime. They have told me to stay flat today and tomorrow and then I can get up and move around by Saturday and back to normal on Monday. BOTH penguins thawed wonderfully and so we were able to transfer both today. Got to see on the ultrasound them putting them in via the cathader. Was really interesting even though it wasn't the most comfortable thing to be going through.

Now there's not much we can do except continue with the progesterone shots, the Estradiol and the Vivelle patches through our beta bloodwork on June 29th. Prayers and warm thoughts would be awesome. Thank you to those of you who have emailed me or sent messages that you are thinking of us, it means alot.

Tomorrow is Transfer Day

Sorry I haven't been blogging very much but I have been really busy with work and home. Things are still on track and currently I'm on 3 Vivelle Patches (changed every 3rd day), the Estradiol, Methylprednisolone, Doxycycline and the awesome HUGE progesterone shot in the tushy each night. Life is challenging but I keep on truckin.

Tomorrow is our transfer day and we are hoping that both of our penguins (frozen embryos) will make it through the thaw and be in great condition for our 11am transfer. We appreciate all the prayers and warm wishes as we move along the journey of our FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle.

Will let you all know how tomorrow goes and then we won't know if things "took" until the beginning of July via our blood work so keep those prayers coming. Thanks all, blessings.

Feeling Better

Quick update - the increase in meds has stopped the bleeding that kicked in yesterday. They had told me if I saw red at all to contact them asap - so when I woke up Friday morning to what appeared to be a start of my cycle with bright red on my liner and some decent cramping - I have to admit I hit an emotional "oh my gosh, no."

After talking with the office the fact that it was still light was good and they told me to now wear 3 patches (instead of two) and to call if the bleeding gets heavy... well, as of this morning it has stopped. Praying that things are still on track and that we'll find out the lining is thick enough next week and we can keep going.

Thank you all for the continued prayers.

Postponed

Haven't updated in awhile as things have been pretty status quo and with a FET cycle there really hasn't been much going on other than wearing my Vivelle patches and the nightly Lupron shot.

Today I went to my full checkup and found out that my lining isn't where we want it to be. I'm at a 4 to 5 and we want it around 8 to 9. So we have postponed my transfer until June 17th. To beef up the lining I get to take 2mg Estradiol 2x daily ... and I WISH I could take them orally - if you get my meaning. Here's hoping that a week on this med will help things along and we'll be ready to go.

Not the news I had wanted, but I guess we just have to go with the flow and be thankful that the cycle hasn't been canceled (yet). Prayers would be awesome.

Gains and Losses

The past 24 hours have really tested me. I have been going to a counselor for the past 2 years while on this infertility journey and she has been my rock every other week for so long that I've learned to really depend on my time with her to vent, dream and lay it all out as she was my safe zone.

At yesterday's session she started... "before we settle in today I need to let you know something." *deep breath* She's expecting. Deep down I'm really happy for her - but at the same time I feel like this really sucks for me. She's no longer that neutral, safe zone - and that's proving to be really, really hard. Not sure where I'll go from here. *sigh* It's so hard to see myself being able to talk the same way while watching her change from week to week. So hard.

Bloodwork this morning for Estridol level was good (41, wanted less than 100) so we are continuing on towards that magical transfer date of June 10th. Continuing the Lupron injections and will start the Vivelle patches (x2) on Friday.

Hanging in there and praying for patience, understanding and strength.

Headaches Suck

Last night I got a bit worried as I got that mind numbing "here comes a headache" feeling and had hoped that a good night of sleep would kick it to the curb... didn't happen. Woke up this morning with a raging migraine. Went back to sleep and then got up around 10:30am, got ready and headed out towards work. Stopped for a quick lunch and felt quite sick and fatigued... to the point that I called work and said I was going back home. What a wasted day, bleh.

Feeling much better tonight, however. Will be heading back to the world tomorrow. Been on Lupron now since last Friday and will be going in for bloodwork and fun things next Tuesday. Only 3 days left of the damn Desogen BCP so that's a really good thing.

Blessings all.