Just received word that our beta blood work was negative. After falling apart at work I finally decided to take a co-worker's suggestion and came home and had an ugly cry. Feeling a bit better but boy does my heart ache.

Closing the book on 2.5 years of trying via iui/ivf and will now set our minds (and hearts) on beginning the process of adoption.

Thank you all for the continued prayers.

Transfer Day Went Well

Today went really well and I'm working on my 3 days of bed rest and downtime. They have told me to stay flat today and tomorrow and then I can get up and move around by Saturday and back to normal on Monday. BOTH penguins thawed wonderfully and so we were able to transfer both today. Got to see on the ultrasound them putting them in via the cathader. Was really interesting even though it wasn't the most comfortable thing to be going through.

Now there's not much we can do except continue with the progesterone shots, the Estradiol and the Vivelle patches through our beta bloodwork on June 29th. Prayers and warm thoughts would be awesome. Thank you to those of you who have emailed me or sent messages that you are thinking of us, it means alot.

Tomorrow is Transfer Day

Sorry I haven't been blogging very much but I have been really busy with work and home. Things are still on track and currently I'm on 3 Vivelle Patches (changed every 3rd day), the Estradiol, Methylprednisolone, Doxycycline and the awesome HUGE progesterone shot in the tushy each night. Life is challenging but I keep on truckin.

Tomorrow is our transfer day and we are hoping that both of our penguins (frozen embryos) will make it through the thaw and be in great condition for our 11am transfer. We appreciate all the prayers and warm wishes as we move along the journey of our FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle.

Will let you all know how tomorrow goes and then we won't know if things "took" until the beginning of July via our blood work so keep those prayers coming. Thanks all, blessings.

Feeling Better

Quick update - the increase in meds has stopped the bleeding that kicked in yesterday. They had told me if I saw red at all to contact them asap - so when I woke up Friday morning to what appeared to be a start of my cycle with bright red on my liner and some decent cramping - I have to admit I hit an emotional "oh my gosh, no."

After talking with the office the fact that it was still light was good and they told me to now wear 3 patches (instead of two) and to call if the bleeding gets heavy... well, as of this morning it has stopped. Praying that things are still on track and that we'll find out the lining is thick enough next week and we can keep going.

Thank you all for the continued prayers.

Postponed

Haven't updated in awhile as things have been pretty status quo and with a FET cycle there really hasn't been much going on other than wearing my Vivelle patches and the nightly Lupron shot.

Today I went to my full checkup and found out that my lining isn't where we want it to be. I'm at a 4 to 5 and we want it around 8 to 9. So we have postponed my transfer until June 17th. To beef up the lining I get to take 2mg Estradiol 2x daily ... and I WISH I could take them orally - if you get my meaning. Here's hoping that a week on this med will help things along and we'll be ready to go.

Not the news I had wanted, but I guess we just have to go with the flow and be thankful that the cycle hasn't been canceled (yet). Prayers would be awesome.

Gains and Losses

The past 24 hours have really tested me. I have been going to a counselor for the past 2 years while on this infertility journey and she has been my rock every other week for so long that I've learned to really depend on my time with her to vent, dream and lay it all out as she was my safe zone.

At yesterday's session she started... "before we settle in today I need to let you know something." *deep breath* She's expecting. Deep down I'm really happy for her - but at the same time I feel like this really sucks for me. She's no longer that neutral, safe zone - and that's proving to be really, really hard. Not sure where I'll go from here. *sigh* It's so hard to see myself being able to talk the same way while watching her change from week to week. So hard.

Bloodwork this morning for Estridol level was good (41, wanted less than 100) so we are continuing on towards that magical transfer date of June 10th. Continuing the Lupron injections and will start the Vivelle patches (x2) on Friday.

Hanging in there and praying for patience, understanding and strength.

Headaches Suck

Last night I got a bit worried as I got that mind numbing "here comes a headache" feeling and had hoped that a good night of sleep would kick it to the curb... didn't happen. Woke up this morning with a raging migraine. Went back to sleep and then got up around 10:30am, got ready and headed out towards work. Stopped for a quick lunch and felt quite sick and fatigued... to the point that I called work and said I was going back home. What a wasted day, bleh.

Feeling much better tonight, however. Will be heading back to the world tomorrow. Been on Lupron now since last Friday and will be going in for bloodwork and fun things next Tuesday. Only 3 days left of the damn Desogen BCP so that's a really good thing.

Blessings all.

It's like Christmas!

Ok, not really. Actually, not even close... but I do have a big bag of "goodies" and am ready to start another cycle of bliss. There ARE a couple of positives with this cycle, however. I have to keep focused on that.

So here we are, the goodie bin for this round:



Ok, at first glance it's a huge freak-out-fest but when I start looking at the contents it's odd just how much I can sit back and say "it's ok... I've been here, done that and can do it again. Bring it on."

So here's the list:
Lupron - Icky small needles, low side effects.
Vivelle Patches - Icky, painless but make me feel funky.
Progesterone - Icky BIG needles, low side effects.
Methylprednisolone - Causes ADHD - but only 2 days this time!
Doxycycline - Causes major nausea - but only 2 days this time!

And here's the BIG news...
NO REPRONEX THIS TIME AROUND! *happy dance*

Ok, so there's the game plan. Lupron shots start this Friday and I'm finishing up my 2nd week on the Desogen BCP which isn't that nice to my moods, tummy or head so I'll be glad when we get that part over with. Here we go...

Calendar in Hand

Got my calendar for the FET cycle and wow... it seems like it's a ton shorter as our transfer day will be June 10th. *boggle* Yeowza. Here's basically how it will shake down:

4/23-5/13 - Started my lovely Desogen BCP
5/07-6/03 - Lupron 10 units SQ (easy peasy)
5/18 - Estradiol Level Drawn
5/18-6/09 - Much less lovely u/s appts
5/18-6/?? - Vivelle Dot Patches
6/05-6/?? - Big 'Ol Progesterone shots
*** NOTICE NO STIMS! NO REPRONEX!! (Good Thing!) **
6/09-6/19 - Methyprednisolone and Doxycycline (Nooo!)
6/10 .... Embryo transfer day (Bring it!)

So that in a nutshell is the game plan. Aren't you just so jealous?!? Actually it's a whole lot easier the second time around. I know it'll suck some weeks and that it does get better. My saying is "I can do ANYTHING for a week."

So here we go... *Choo Choo!*

BCP and Tummy Issues

Ok, one week into the Desogen BCP and my tummy hasn't been good for a few days and today after lunch (I really think it was mostly something I ate) I literally had to race home after 20 minutes in the bathroom at work. Wasn't pretty. I keep thinking this can't be just from the BCP so I looked back at a journal from January...

"Did you find that the pill made you feel like crap? There's not really one major thing that it is doing to me but my tummy just feels "off," I'm cranky, tired and just feeling like I want to crawl into a hole and tell the entire world to pi$$ off."

Second time around it's not any better it seems. My co-workers are in for a tough 2 more weeks ... I'm never going back to Bonanza no matter WHO asks me to. Sorry, nope, not goina do it. *smirk*

Our First IVF Cycle

Wanted to paste this re-cap here mostly for my benefit and so that I don't lose the information in my massive amount of email.

IVF#1 (Fresh)
01/07-01/27: Desogen BCP
01/21-02/16: Lupron 10 units SQ, every PM
01/24-01/30: Doxycycline 100mg, twice daily
01/24-01/30: Flagyl 500mg twice daily
02/04: Baseline u/s and bloodwork - looks great
02/08-02/16: Follistim 225 IU SQ, every AM
02/08-02/16: Repronex 225 IU SQ, every PM
02/09: E2 (38)
02/10 E2 (188)
02/12 E2 (398)
02/15 E2 (1023)
02/17: retrieved 10 eggs! .. 02/18: 6 fertilized!
02/18: Progesterone 50 mg IM 1x day
02/22: embryo transfer - 2 Embies transferred and 2 Frozen!
02/06: 1st Beta = 19, 02/08: 2nd Beta = 3 ...BFN

And here we go...

Well, CD1 is not wanting to start on its own so last night was dose one of the medroxyprogesterone. This past Thursday/Friday I was cramping a lot and having wicked migraines... but nothing as of Saturday (CD30). Having this blog is pretty darn awesome as I looked back as to what happened the first time I took this and it was pretty darn mild and my CD1 actually started before the end of the 10 days. We'll see what happens.

Once CD1 would kick in we start the Desogen BCP and will get our calendar for this next journey of a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). In the meantime I've started Weight Watchers as these meds and hormones are making my weight slowly but steadily rise over the past 2 years. Getting worried as to where it was taking me so I decided I'm starting back on WW and if the "worst case scenario" is that I have to quit in 2 months as we are pregnant then I say... bring it on! ;) Down 4.4lbs this first week and my body is heaving a sigh or relief. It's nice to be eating right again.

Hope everyone has had some chance to enjoy some nice spring weather. Wow does it help the mindset and get the moods elevated. Bring on summer.

New Game Plan

Had a good meeting with the RE over the lunch hour (and got to snag lunch with the DH). He took the extra time to walk through the entire IVF process and what our results were at each stage. He was very, very positive and let us know that we are responding really well and that we are on the right track.

We also talked about the resulting chemical pregnancy and he was very sure that we "got there" and things just didn't stick. He feels that just getting to the point that we had 2 beautiful embies on transfer day was a big thing and reminded me it wasn't anything I did/didn't do that resulted in the BFN. That helped. No matter what I KNOW ... the feelings of "what did I do wrong" just won't stop traveling my brain and my heart. Tough road.

So the battle plan is to do a FET cycle (frozen embie transfer) starting with my next CD1 back on Desogen (the BCP that makes me feel icky). That should happen sometime in mid-April so no news til then. Thanks to all who are still out there and following this wickedly nasty (physically/emotionally) journey.

Next Step

This will be short as I'm using my mobile phone, but basically we have our next appointment with our RE on March 25th and we'll figure out how/when to proceed with a FET. (Frozen embryo transfer) So basically I have three weeks "off" and I'm going to try to not think about fertility in any way, shape or form. (Much easier said then done).

Will check in more later but for now I'm just numb and dealing. Thank you all for the soft words, prayers and warm thoughts.

BFN

Big. Freakin. Negative. HCG 3.
Meaning either a chemical pregnancy or a very early miscarriage.

Will meet with the RE and discuss cycle #2.

God this is so hard.

Low Beta

This isn't meant to be our cycle. Not ok at the moment and really don't want phone calls or emails... just need to work through this. Thanks...

Our HCG Beta was 19. I continue my PIO and patch and will go in for another HCG test on Monday morning and there is a tiny speck of hope but the nurse said that it is very, very rare for such a low beta to turn into a successful pregnancy.

I'll know either way... today.

Well, dropped off a beautiful blood sample (amazing how numb I am to needles by now) and I will know either way in about 2 hours from now. They are going to call me with my Beta results when they are in. I don't feel much different and so I'm really worried I'll come back with a low beta... but it seems that's a common feeling for most women.

Keeping my fingers/toes crossed and saying a soft prayer. Either way we'll make it through this and Heaven forbid we need to start the process over at least we know that we. can. do. this.

*hugs* Update later today.

Check out the Embies...

Here's a photo of the photo (scanner isn't working) of the two embies we put in a week ago. It's absolutely driving me nuts wondering if they are still around and if they've implanted. It's the not knowing that is making this time creep slowly by. I've been having sore boobs, slight cramping, headaches and fatigue and I really hope these are good signs and not just in response to the progesterone and other hormones in my body.

Argh! Is it Saturday yet? I just need to _know_.

Time. Goes. Slowly.

So I'm hanging in there and waiting until next Saturday when we can go for bloodwork to see just how we're doing. I talk to my embies (anyone else do this) and tell them that I love them and want them to do their best to stick. Here's praying that one will...

** Warning, this might be Too Might Info... =) **

Last night had a bit of a scare where I swore my cycle was starting. I mean the heavy feeling, the "moist" feeling and the worry about going to the restroom to only find a horrible outcome. Anyone know what I'm talking about? I had a little brown discharge last night and nothing since then. And this morning I woke up to HORRIBLE gas/lower ab crampage that scared the begeezers out of me only to have one HECK of a *ahem* movement and man did I feel better. It had been over 3 days... Progesterone sucks in that regard.

So, dare I hope for implantation bleeding? *fingers crossed*

Progesterone Shots (PIOs)

Ever wonder what the progesterone injections look like? Well, snapped a photo tonight and thought I'd show and tell. You draw up the oil with a different (bigger) needle and then inject it as shown below. It seems that if I heat prior to and after and wiggle my toes during (you can't tense your butt if you do it!) that they aren't really that bad. Repronex is still by far the nasty fellow of the bunch!

An Award ...

Thank you so much to Tiffany over at Young but Infertile for this fantastic award. Be sure to check out her blog if you're not already familiar with it!

I have to list 10 Things That Make My Day and then list 10 Blogs worthy of this award as well, and then you'll have the award and they'll have the award too. Don't forget you'll have to do the same... list 10 Things and 10 Blogs to earn the award (then of course copy the pic of the award to your computer and paste/upload the award pic to your own blog post saying that you received this award with your 10 and 10).

10 Things That Make My Day:
1. Gummy Bears/Cheesecake
2. My husband's smile
3. Curling up with a purring best friend
4. Getting deep into a great book
5. Balloons
6. Sitting in the sun
7. Playing pitch with family and friends
8. Hearing "I love you" from others
9. Getting "real mail" in the mailbox
10. Watching Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory :)

And I'm sorry I'm going to let some people down... but I only follow 3 blogs...
1. Shanny at I did, I do, I will
2. Tiffany at Young but Infertile
3. Sarah at Hoping for a baby Smith

Tired, Cranky, Lightheaded...

Made it back to work today and felt really beat down. I just wanted to go home and curl up with a heating pad on my shoulders and get in some quality nap time. I'm just plain exhausted. I'm assuming it has a lot to do with the PIO (progesterone) shots and the patch ... but bleh anyway. Possibility of an early night tonight.

Blessings.

More Excellent news...

Just got the call that the two embryos they were watching WERE able to be frozen so we have 2 little "penguins" on hold should we need them. All in all this cycle has (so far) turned out far better then we had ever hoped.

Started the Vivelle estradiol patch today. Just a little more time down and then back to work starting tomorrow. It will be nice to be able to be up, moving and busy ... keeping my mind off every little twinge and just how long it seems til blood work on March 6th.

*hugs* Thank you all for the continued prayers.

Going Crazy!

Ok, so I'm supposed to stay completely down on bed rest (laying down with 15 short times up for shower, food, etc) and I'm going crazy. I'm not a very good patient and it's sad to say it... but I'd rather be at work. I'm watching a ton of TiVo (Doctor Who, Days of our Lives, Legend of the Seeker, NCIS and other guilty pleasures) reading alot and all in all just wasting time.

So, for anyone who has been here before how long after transfer did you stay flat on your back and what did you do to waste time? =)

Transfer Day!

Really quick update as I can only sit up briefly and am mostly to lay flat because ... we had 2 beautiful embryos transferred today! Now we wait for blood testing on March 6th to find out if we're pregnant. Today wasn't all that bad and I swear the hardest part was going with a full bladder to a 2:30 appt only to not be able to pee until 3:30 and after a lot of poking and prodding. Ooo uncomfy. ;)

We find out Wednesday morning if we were able to freeze 2 extras. This is more then I ever expected and thank you ALL for the huge prayers. They are saying we have upto a 70% success rate for a single birth. Amazing.

Less than 24 hours....

This weekend has gone so slowly! I alternate going from an upset tummy (antibiotics) to having ADHD (steroids) to feeling like I'm going out of my head with my emotions (progesterone). I can't believe that the transfer ... and as I haven't had a phone call from the RE saying anything bad I'm assuming that we are still on for tomorrow. Excited, petrified and anxious all in one. Go me!

Just as a quick update tomorrow I get to end:
Methylprednisolone (slightly decreases natural immune reaction system)
Doxycycline (antibiotic to prevent infection)

Get to keep getting:
Progesterone IM

As a reminder, we had 10 eggs harvested and 6 of those fertilized. Here's hoping for at least 2 beautiful blasts tomorrow for transfer. *fingers crossed*

Holding Pattern

Other than trying to keep myself positive, upbeat and not worried out of my skull nothing new has been happening the last few days. Monday seems so close and yet so far away. This bit of having absolutely no control over how our eggs are doing and just running on faith that Monday WILL happen is for the dogs. Bleh.

Starting last Thursday we have done the progesterone IM shots (butt shots) and you know what... they aren't bad! Nothing compared to that evil spawn of Satan... Repronex. As long as I heat before hand, wiggle my toes during (you can't clench your butt cheeks if you wiggle your toes... go ahead... try it!) and then heat afterwords I couldn't even tell you it happened. Seriously!

Also finishing up this tummy wrecking antibiotic (doxycycline) and steroid that makes me ADHD for about 4 hours (methylprednisolone) ... will be done on Monday with those as well. We're getting towards the finish line...

Praying up a storm!

Another hurdle passed!

Just got the phone call and of the 10 retrieved ... 6 fertilized! So far... so good! Now we just hang on til Monday and the transfer and hope that things progress over the weekend and we have some nice results ready for Monday.

Keep the prayers coming... they are working!

Retrieval Day

Last night had a horrible nightmare that I went in to retrieval and came out to hear there were no eggs. Woke up sweating and my heart just pounding... but it was my #1 worry with this procedure...

I didn't have to worry. I went in at 9:45am this morning and was called back at 10am. Got changed into a sexy and cheeky gown and given a warm blanket. IV started to help with happy juice and then had a short wait. Taken back and I don't remember much other then a couple of painful pokes and some uncomfortable pressure. All in all it was pertty much a breeze.

After a little bit of waiting the news came... 10 eggs! I was praying for anything over 5 and 7 would have been great... but 10! Now to see how they will fertilize and play nice. Thinking some darkness, a little mood music and warm thoughts and prayers should do it. Will hear more tomorrow about what our numbers look like and how things are going. Will post more when I have it.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and thoughts.

Hurdle.... passed!

Got the results of my blood work and although it's not high... it's fine! 1023 where I needed over 1000. Whew.

No more shots (just ovidrel tonight to trigger) and retrieval on Wednesday.
Think happy fertile thoughts... :)

PS: Anyone who has passed this hurdle in the past... what sort of numbers did you have? I'm concerned about the "just over 1000" even though I've been told not to... but you all know how THAT goes.

Prayin for good Blood Work!

Quick note on my lunch hour...

The u/s this morning went really well and I have a pretty big party in Ms Right. Ms Left, however, has some heavy hitters but not nearly as many. Party all you want ladies, you're doing good things! All in all I feel bloated and crampy across the midsection as well as low back. Fun!

I'm currently waiting for the phone call regarding my estrogen levels. We're aiming for 1000 and last friday it was 389. If it comes back in the 700-800 range they are talking about cancelling just going with fertilization ... I need to be in that 1000 range to continue with the harvest on Wednesday (yup, date has been set!)

Good news today:
I get to STOP Follistim injections, Lupron injection and the Repronex injection! I get to add the Ovidrel tonight (both shots) at 11pm which are tiny little things and would mean things are moving along. *BIG OL HAPPY BOOTIE DANCE!

So now I wait for the nurse to call with my estrogen levels... fingers crossed!

Happy Valentine's Day

I wanted to take a moment and thank the Lord for guiding my love, my soul mate and my best friend into my life years ago. I can't imagine a life without him and now to have him not only patiently walking this journey with me ... but also being 110% committed and active (he gives me the injections every AM/PM) as we live the adventure together.

Honey, I love you beyond words.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13

Completely out of Real Estate

I'm black and blue all across my tummy and it's really starting to get challenging in finding a spot to poke. The Follistim and Lupron are still pretty minor pokes and after 24 hours seem to be healed up... but the damn Repronex takes a solid 3 days to heal up and the huge splotch to go away and that gives enough space for about 2 on left and 2 on right. Pinching is sore!

Got my blood work back from yesterday and my estrogen levels are doing really well. My first was 38, then 188 and then yesterday she said she'd look for something around 380... it was 389. Go me! Trying to keep it in my head that I'm on my way and my eye on the end result. Thanks for all the prayers and "I'm here for you" emails. It really makes a difference.

PS: When I picked up my final bags of meds yesterday I must have looked like "I can't keep doing this..." as the pharmacist looked me straight in the eye and said "remember, not all women get to keep going." Precious words.

TGIF... almost

Well, tomorrow I go in for an update u/s and blood work and I'm hoping things look good. I'm starting to feel pretty emotional at times and my tummy is very, very bruised and hurting quite a bit (and this is only day 4 of stims!). Can't sleep on my stomach anymore and I'm beginning to wonder how I'll get another 5 days of shots with 3-4 a day... yikers.

More updates when I have them. *hugs*

Quick Update...

u/s went well and will hear by 2pm if my u/s and/or blood work suggest a change in my stims dosages. *tick tock*

Ladies who have done the IVF route and gone in for that first u/s following your start of stims (day 3) ... what did you see, find out, etc? I figured I would wait til my Friday morning u/s to really ask questions but from what I was seeing it looked like 5-6 on the right that were getting good sized and 3-4 on the left. What did you see?

Blessings.

Holy Crud, Only Day 2?

Ok, so yesterday was day one on stims. Follistim wasn't that bad, Lupron is old hat and then Repronex kicked me in the butt. Burned going in and today I feel like I've been shot. Definately won't be using that spot on my belly anytime in the near future. I'm really hoping that was a one time occurance... but sweating tonight's poke all the same. Anyone else have problems with the Repronex?

In a nutshell...
Lupron: easy peasy
Follistim: not best friends, but friends
Repronex: definately off my Christmas card list

Here's hoping tonight will be better. *sniffle*

PS: Tomorrow is an u/s and bloodwork day.

Let's Get Ready to... Stim!

Today is day one of stims and I finally feel like I'm doing something. The past few days I've allowed myself to get down and anxious about starting the "big shots" today and I'll be able to update later regarding the Repronex but as for the Follistim this morning that was easy peasy. I swear it was less of a poke then the Lupron shots. Here's hoping the best for the Repronex.

And here's some more pics. Trying to document the journey so I can look back and re-live the fun and emotion. *chuckle*





Ok ladies, let's get to work!

Friday = Sick Day

Well, today I called in sick to work and although I know it was the right call I always feel embarassed and bad about doing so. I have a good 140+ hours sick leave just sitting in the bank but it still feels icky to use them and not get work done.

Last night had a pretty hefty headache starting and was worried it was going to slip into a full on migraine by morning. This morning I woke up to a morning full of strong cramps (CD3), bad headache and some nausea. I think alot of it has to do with the hormones and the Lupron but I also think that not sleeping as well as I could be due to anxiety could have thrown things a bit caddywumpus. After an extra 5 hours this morning a bit of a headache still lingers and some fatigue, but I'm feeling much better.

Anyone else feel really guilty when you call in sick? I wonder how much of it might have been growing up a teacher's kid and and the fact that I needed to be near death to ever miss a day. *smirk*

Baseline!

Went in today for my baseline u/s and blood work for my Estradiol level to see if things are moving along and if I'm ready to continue on and start stims next week. I passed through with flying colors and will start stims on monday with my next u/s and blood work on Wednesday.

Goodie Bags!

Tonight the DH and I went by the pharmacy and picked up the Follistim and Repronex. I'm starting to feel like I'm really into this IVF journey and hot diggy dog there's a lot to do and get ready for. We kick into full swing next week (Tuesday) I will be getting my Follistim (AM), Repronex (PM) and my Lupron (PM).

SO excited! (sarcasim...)

The Follistim looks a bit creepy as it is in a large "pen" that you basically load, lock and dial up your dose and then inject as the pharmacist says "hold it like a dagger and do it like you mean it." DH has already said he'll take care of the prep and I'll get it as a wake-up call at 7:30am. Due to my dose of 225 after the first day (due to the fact the vials are 300 units) I'll get the joy of 2 sticks every morning! Aint life grand?!? The Repronex is also 225 so we have to mix 3 different vials of powder when making that one up each night. More details next week when we jump in with both feet.

Tomorrow morning I go in for baseline bloodwork and u/s to see how my suppression phase has gone. Keep fingers crossed and prayers en route. Aunt Flo kicked in today (CD1) so at least I'm on schedule! This is a very good thing.

See you all tomorrow...

Monday

Normally I have pretty decent Mondays. I'm recharged a bit and ready to get back at things. But today (following two days off) I was swamped from the moment I walked into the office until I walked out. Most of my days at work are fine and I really like being with my co-workers and doing my job that I've done now for 12+ years... but days like today totally sap me. Here's hoping for a good night sleep tonight and tomorrow will be better.

As for the IVF journey I'm mostly in a holding pattern. It feels odd to be off everything but the Lupron injections. My DH and I have those down to a science. Wednesday, however, is when we meet with the pharmacist and learn all about the Follistim and Repronex. Will take those only 8 days (one in AM, one in PM) along with the Lupron... but they sound a bit scarier as they take a lot more prep work to get them ready to inject. Well, we'll learn more on Wednesday.

Here's hoping everyone is having a good week. *hugs* Be well and blessings.

Last day...

... of Antibiotics! We're going out to eat to celebrate. It's funny but I'd rather take tons of pain then a little nausea. Hoping to get back a bit of my appetite and not dread eating once this gets out of my system. Bleh, they've been the ickiest part so far. Not horrendous... but still plenty icky.

Thanks all for the continued support.

Sitting in my room...

Well, I'm currently attending a conference and even though it's been so nice to have time to myself, eat good food and stay in a really comfy hotel room - I really, really miss my DH. Going home tomorrow so it will be good to be home again.

I'm sitting in my room waiting for my alarm to go off for my Lupron injection and trying to keep down the antibiotics I took right after dinner. I don't have any crackers to munch on or hard candies so I'm feeling a little bit bummed but it is too cold to go out and brave it. The upside... only 2 more days on these things!! Sunday will be my day of freedom and I'm looking forward to it.

I would have liked to stay downstairs longer and talked with folks - but they were all going for glasses of wine/beer and I could see it getting late and I need to do my shot soon. That and I can't drink right now. So even though I'm not wanting to drink, I need to do my shot AND would much rather get to bed early... I'm still feeling sorry for myself. I'll muddle through but right now is just a tough time and anxiety is a bit high.

Currently praying for strength.

DH is a Rock Star

The best part of this journey (other than the hope for the final result of a beautiful blessing) is the strengthening of our marriage. My DH (darling husband) is a guy who has read the books with me, gone through our folder multiple times and came in from woodworking in the garage 15 minutes early so he could clean up prior to giving me my Lupron injection (which I had told him I could very well do on my own...).

He wants to do this side by side and I can't express just how AWESOME that is. Being committed is one thing ... but being a completely 50/50 journey was something that makes this journey so much easier. For those of you out there going through IVF and have an awesome partner ... let them know they are a rock star! =)

On a medical update, I can not WAIT to get off these antibiotics as they feel like they are bubbling over in my tummy and I'm so ready to be off of it. The Lupron shots aren't all that bad and I'm looking at them as a stepping stone into bigger and better (um, right...) things.

Blessings.

Bleh, Antibiotics Stink!

Today was day one of my antibiotics. I'm taking 100mg of Doxycycline and 500mg Flagyl, twice a day with food ... and woah baby they are not playing nice on the ol tummy. Nothing I can't handle but definately not a comfy feeling and things do not seem to be playing nicely. This journey rocks! *smirk*

Here's my schedule for those asking:
01/07-01/27: Desogen BCP
01/21-02/16: Lupron 10 units SQ, every PM
01/24-01/30: Doxycycline 100mg, twice daily
01/24-01/30: Flagyl 500mg twice daily
02/08-02/16: Repronex 225 IU SQ, every PM
02/08-02/16: Follistim 225 IU SQ, every AM

02/04-02/16: 4-5 u/s with blood levels
02/17-02/20: retrieval one of these days
02/22-02/24: embryo transfer one of these days

So there it is in a nutshell. Prayers of strength, patience and goodwill are awesome and thank you all who drop me notes (some of you daily) saying you are with us in spirit and keeping us in your prayers. It means so much to know that there are people walking this journey with us. Blessings!

2nd Day on Lupron

No really big news to report as things are going pretty smoothly. Just did our second Lupron shot and so far no side effects other then the very slight pinch of the injection itself. Darling hubby is the one giving me the injections and it's definately a team process. I can't imagine not having him in my life - my biggest blessing.

“All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope.”
- Alexandre Dumas Père

Progress Report

Today is CD13 and I have been on the baby Asprin and Desogen BCP for almost 2 weeks and I'm getting much better with the nausea and fatigue side effects. So far it's been pretty easy. Thursday night I start my 10mg Lupron injections and I'll start a new set of fun side effects. I don't expect them to be all that much.


Desogen and Baby Asprin


Lupron Injections

More updates in the coming days. Thanks to all who read this and might say a soft prayer just for strength, patience and understanding as we walk this journey in hopes that one day we'll get to hear two of the most precious of words... "Mom and Dad."

Desogen BCP

Quick question to those who have been on Desogen...

Did you find that the pill made you feel like crap? There's not really one major thing that it is doing to me but my tummy just feels "off," I'm cranky, tired and just feeling like I want to crawl into a hole and tell the entire world to pi$$ off.

*blink blink* This isn't me and yet has been me since starting this last Thursday. Nothing I can't deal with... but I'm afraid it's bugging the heck out of those who have to deal with me on a day-to-day basis. *smirk*

Anyone?

Today is CD1

Got a call back from the doc today and today has become CD1 and I am officially on the IVF journey. Stopping the medroxyprogesterone and starting on the Desogen birth control pill (BCP) and baby aspirin. According to my calendar I will stay on those through January 27th.

My next "milestone" day will be January 21st when I begin my Lupron injections. Knowing they are a SQ shot is very helpful and it sounds like I can ease into this whole prickly part of the treatment. (SQ means subcutaneous injection, meaning just under the skin and a small needle)

So this is good news and I'm not as broken as I was worried I was.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
- Friedrich Nietzche

Shouldn't be happening...

Well, I have 2 days left on medroxyprogesterone and then my CD1 should come after another 5 days to 2 weeks... and tonight I am having what would lead me to fully believe on a regular cycle that tomorrow would be CD1. Going to call tomorrow and see what the answer might be - but of course tonight I'm thinking bad thoughts, nervous, anxious and all in all worried that something is very wrong.

So nothing new to really report... except that emotions are high and anxiety is crazy. More info when I know more myself.