Completely out of Real Estate

I'm black and blue all across my tummy and it's really starting to get challenging in finding a spot to poke. The Follistim and Lupron are still pretty minor pokes and after 24 hours seem to be healed up... but the damn Repronex takes a solid 3 days to heal up and the huge splotch to go away and that gives enough space for about 2 on left and 2 on right. Pinching is sore!

Got my blood work back from yesterday and my estrogen levels are doing really well. My first was 38, then 188 and then yesterday she said she'd look for something around 380... it was 389. Go me! Trying to keep it in my head that I'm on my way and my eye on the end result. Thanks for all the prayers and "I'm here for you" emails. It really makes a difference.

PS: When I picked up my final bags of meds yesterday I must have looked like "I can't keep doing this..." as the pharmacist looked me straight in the eye and said "remember, not all women get to keep going." Precious words.

2nd Day on Lupron

No really big news to report as things are going pretty smoothly. Just did our second Lupron shot and so far no side effects other then the very slight pinch of the injection itself. Darling hubby is the one giving me the injections and it's definately a team process. I can't imagine not having him in my life - my biggest blessing.

“All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope.”
- Alexandre Dumas Père

Today is CD1

Got a call back from the doc today and today has become CD1 and I am officially on the IVF journey. Stopping the medroxyprogesterone and starting on the Desogen birth control pill (BCP) and baby aspirin. According to my calendar I will stay on those through January 27th.

My next "milestone" day will be January 21st when I begin my Lupron injections. Knowing they are a SQ shot is very helpful and it sounds like I can ease into this whole prickly part of the treatment. (SQ means subcutaneous injection, meaning just under the skin and a small needle)

So this is good news and I'm not as broken as I was worried I was.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
- Friedrich Nietzche

Believe

“Believe in the power of believing. Say “I believe,” and believe it. Believe in something, anything that gives you the courage and strength to continue on when it would be so easy to give up. Believe that you’re beautiful. Believe that you deserve to be happy. Believe that you have choices and that you can choose wisely. Above all, believe in yourself.” – Rachel Snyder

This is the quote on my calendar in my office and a soft reminder for me as I go through a rough day of anxiety. Tears are coming easily today - and I'm not really sure why. Just a quiet day. Hope you are all well. *hugs*

Lost

Earlier this afternoon I hit an emotional roadblock. It came out of nowhere and felt like someone was screaming "sorry, you'll never be a mom - you might as well give it up." Tears came and I felt like I was going to fall apart. I pulled it together and made some hot tea and curled up with a book. It helped ... a little.

And then I popped in a little Michael Buble and "Lost" came on. I've always picked apart the song's meaning with the first few lines ... but if you listen to the rest of the song it really touches my heart as a woman growing older and feeling lost and like the "best time" for conceiving a child has passed me by. It might be that my heart was seaching for it... but it rang true. If you haven't listened to it I would highly recommend. *hugs*

"Lost" by Michael Buble

I can't believe it's over, I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew, The days were slipping past
That the good things never last, That you were crying...

Summer turned to winter, And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late, It's not too late

'Cause you are not alone, I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together, Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done, And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost, When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought, I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy, It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy, But you're not
Things have seem to changed, There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained, And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone, And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together, Till the light comes pouring through

'Cause when you feel like you're done, And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down, And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost

The Starfish Story

While surfing online I stumble upon various things that make me pause, think and reflect and I'll try to share those things with you by posting them here so I can revisit them when I need a pick-me-up. *hugs*

The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”

“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”I made a difference for that one.”