Friday, Time to catch up

First of all, a special thank you to the two of you who sent me emails asking if things were ok as you hadn't seen me posting in awhile. I'm doing ok, just have been really emotional lately and haven't wanted to blog about it. Feeling a bit better now but still struggling with the whole "nothing seems to be working" side of things.

Today I went for my u/s as I was CD14 and usually have one on CD15, but that would fall tomorrow, Saturday. So I went in today and found out that I have two small follies on my right side and a bigger (17) on the left... along with a big ol bully of a cyst. *sigh* Not enough to cancel this month's IUI but something to watch.

So here's the timeline:
Tomorrow, Saturday: 9:30pm Ovidrel trigger shot
Monday Morning, IUI

Should things not work and AF shows, then on CD3 we'll check to see if the cyst is gone via another u/s. IF gone we will continue on ... but if it is still there we'll have to stop and take care of it with a month on Birth Control Pills and try to flush it out. Argh. So I'm prayin that things will work out and we get lucky with a blessing THIS month and not have to worry about things... or at least the cyst will give up ship and move along.

It's always something.

Show and Tell

For this week's Show and Tell I'd love to share a photo of Tristan, my bestest buddy for the past 10 years. He has been with me through so very much and still loves me unconditionally - what a guy. Bubba, I love ya.

Surrounded by Love

The past two days I've been stopping to smell the roses and really pay attention to the blessings the Lord has already given me in this life. I have so many friends, loved ones, family and of course my DH ... and that in itself is better than gold.

I have been reading the book "90 Minutes in Heaven" and have been touched by the story of Don Piper. He was killed instantly in a car accident; pronounced dead at the scene. He was prayed over by another man and 90 minutes later came to, singing. He speaks very little about his experience in Heaven and mostly about his recovery and lessons learned. It has been an amazing book.

Health wise I keep trucking along. On Thursday morning I finally broke down and went to my ear doctor and said I couldn't take the pain running down my right jaw anymore. He told me the source of my pain was my right ear tube was trying to come out and was laying over on a badly irritated spot on my ear drum. So he yanked it out and after about 2 hours my ear felt SO much better. My left tube looked good and could be another month or two. I had them put in last fall due to excessive fluid in my ears that were causing lots of pain.

I am so thankful that pain has gone away. I hope you are all well. *hugs*

Green Eyed Monster

Two of my close co-workers are now expecting their second children in the time I haven't been able to conceive our first and I got to spend an entire lunch hour with them (I was the third to their two) and listen about how the babies are coming along and how they are thrilled to be giving their little ones a sibling. A solid hour of nodding, fake smiling and choking down the emotion I felt building.

I came back to the office and went directly to the restroom on another floor and cried. I know they don't know and they don't realize and maybe I needed to say something - but that's just not my way of handling things. I always internalize it and don't make waves. But good Lord it HURTS.

Horrible 24 Hours

Unbelieveable.

Started on my home last night when I stopped to get my allergy shot. We've been stepping up the dose each week just fine and then WHAM ... swelling, breathing issues and a bit of panic led to an epinephrine shot and an hour of laying in a back room. Had the major shakes and a headache for the next 2 hours. Whew, what an experience.

And then there was today. A horrible meeting at work in which we spent 2 hours accomplishing nothing but listening to our leader whine about how busy he is and how he wants someone else to take over. We are all busy. And it's not like he has to do any prep between meetings or any writing. Sigh. Frustrating.

At four I left work to head to the dentist (a huge anxiety attack moment for me) and found out I have an old filling on the left that is falling apart and causing problems. I haven't gotten any pain yet so I'm glad they caught it at my cleaning. So another big chunk of money and a blissful day at the "spa" in the next week or so. Sucks.

Come on life, cut me a break!

CD3

Ok, so today is CD3 and so yesterday I called into my RE and said "I need a refill on my Femara for this next month." This morning first thing I get a call back and the nurse says "I believe he wanted you to goto injectables if the Femara didn't work." To this I answered "but I ovulated!" She's going to talk to the doc and call me back later today.

Am I the only one in the world who thinks that just plain ovulating was the biggest breakthrough since putting man on the moon? I trust my RE 100% but was thinking that we were going down the right track so I'm not sure why he'd want to go down a new pathway just yet. *sigh* Confusion running high.

Ok, going to try to calm it down. Finding out that when I have AF visiting that I'm perhaps just a tiny bit more touchy than normal. *smirk* DH might have a little different perspective on that. So... now I wait for the call back.

Update:
The nurse called back (within 45 minutes, I love that staff) and said that he agrees with me that if I feel that 2 more months of Femara is worth trying he'll totally work with that. So they are calling in a refill and I'll start that today.

Happy Valentine's Day

Here's hoping each of you find a little love in the world today. Not much to say from my part of the world... but being able to hold and kiss my DH was more than enough of a blessing.

Today is CD1.