Gains and Losses

The past 24 hours have really tested me. I have been going to a counselor for the past 2 years while on this infertility journey and she has been my rock every other week for so long that I've learned to really depend on my time with her to vent, dream and lay it all out as she was my safe zone.

At yesterday's session she started... "before we settle in today I need to let you know something." *deep breath* She's expecting. Deep down I'm really happy for her - but at the same time I feel like this really sucks for me. She's no longer that neutral, safe zone - and that's proving to be really, really hard. Not sure where I'll go from here. *sigh* It's so hard to see myself being able to talk the same way while watching her change from week to week. So hard.

Bloodwork this morning for Estridol level was good (41, wanted less than 100) so we are continuing on towards that magical transfer date of June 10th. Continuing the Lupron injections and will start the Vivelle patches (x2) on Friday.

Hanging in there and praying for patience, understanding and strength.

Headaches Suck

Last night I got a bit worried as I got that mind numbing "here comes a headache" feeling and had hoped that a good night of sleep would kick it to the curb... didn't happen. Woke up this morning with a raging migraine. Went back to sleep and then got up around 10:30am, got ready and headed out towards work. Stopped for a quick lunch and felt quite sick and fatigued... to the point that I called work and said I was going back home. What a wasted day, bleh.

Feeling much better tonight, however. Will be heading back to the world tomorrow. Been on Lupron now since last Friday and will be going in for bloodwork and fun things next Tuesday. Only 3 days left of the damn Desogen BCP so that's a really good thing.

Blessings all.

It's like Christmas!

Ok, not really. Actually, not even close... but I do have a big bag of "goodies" and am ready to start another cycle of bliss. There ARE a couple of positives with this cycle, however. I have to keep focused on that.

So here we are, the goodie bin for this round:



Ok, at first glance it's a huge freak-out-fest but when I start looking at the contents it's odd just how much I can sit back and say "it's ok... I've been here, done that and can do it again. Bring it on."

So here's the list:
Lupron - Icky small needles, low side effects.
Vivelle Patches - Icky, painless but make me feel funky.
Progesterone - Icky BIG needles, low side effects.
Methylprednisolone - Causes ADHD - but only 2 days this time!
Doxycycline - Causes major nausea - but only 2 days this time!

And here's the BIG news...
NO REPRONEX THIS TIME AROUND! *happy dance*

Ok, so there's the game plan. Lupron shots start this Friday and I'm finishing up my 2nd week on the Desogen BCP which isn't that nice to my moods, tummy or head so I'll be glad when we get that part over with. Here we go...

Calendar in Hand

Got my calendar for the FET cycle and wow... it seems like it's a ton shorter as our transfer day will be June 10th. *boggle* Yeowza. Here's basically how it will shake down:

4/23-5/13 - Started my lovely Desogen BCP
5/07-6/03 - Lupron 10 units SQ (easy peasy)
5/18 - Estradiol Level Drawn
5/18-6/09 - Much less lovely u/s appts
5/18-6/?? - Vivelle Dot Patches
6/05-6/?? - Big 'Ol Progesterone shots
*** NOTICE NO STIMS! NO REPRONEX!! (Good Thing!) **
6/09-6/19 - Methyprednisolone and Doxycycline (Nooo!)
6/10 .... Embryo transfer day (Bring it!)

So that in a nutshell is the game plan. Aren't you just so jealous?!? Actually it's a whole lot easier the second time around. I know it'll suck some weeks and that it does get better. My saying is "I can do ANYTHING for a week."

So here we go... *Choo Choo!*

BCP and Tummy Issues

Ok, one week into the Desogen BCP and my tummy hasn't been good for a few days and today after lunch (I really think it was mostly something I ate) I literally had to race home after 20 minutes in the bathroom at work. Wasn't pretty. I keep thinking this can't be just from the BCP so I looked back at a journal from January...

"Did you find that the pill made you feel like crap? There's not really one major thing that it is doing to me but my tummy just feels "off," I'm cranky, tired and just feeling like I want to crawl into a hole and tell the entire world to pi$$ off."

Second time around it's not any better it seems. My co-workers are in for a tough 2 more weeks ... I'm never going back to Bonanza no matter WHO asks me to. Sorry, nope, not goina do it. *smirk*

Our First IVF Cycle

Wanted to paste this re-cap here mostly for my benefit and so that I don't lose the information in my massive amount of email.

IVF#1 (Fresh)
01/07-01/27: Desogen BCP
01/21-02/16: Lupron 10 units SQ, every PM
01/24-01/30: Doxycycline 100mg, twice daily
01/24-01/30: Flagyl 500mg twice daily
02/04: Baseline u/s and bloodwork - looks great
02/08-02/16: Follistim 225 IU SQ, every AM
02/08-02/16: Repronex 225 IU SQ, every PM
02/09: E2 (38)
02/10 E2 (188)
02/12 E2 (398)
02/15 E2 (1023)
02/17: retrieved 10 eggs! .. 02/18: 6 fertilized!
02/18: Progesterone 50 mg IM 1x day
02/22: embryo transfer - 2 Embies transferred and 2 Frozen!
02/06: 1st Beta = 19, 02/08: 2nd Beta = 3 ...BFN

And here we go...

Well, CD1 is not wanting to start on its own so last night was dose one of the medroxyprogesterone. This past Thursday/Friday I was cramping a lot and having wicked migraines... but nothing as of Saturday (CD30). Having this blog is pretty darn awesome as I looked back as to what happened the first time I took this and it was pretty darn mild and my CD1 actually started before the end of the 10 days. We'll see what happens.

Once CD1 would kick in we start the Desogen BCP and will get our calendar for this next journey of a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). In the meantime I've started Weight Watchers as these meds and hormones are making my weight slowly but steadily rise over the past 2 years. Getting worried as to where it was taking me so I decided I'm starting back on WW and if the "worst case scenario" is that I have to quit in 2 months as we are pregnant then I say... bring it on! ;) Down 4.4lbs this first week and my body is heaving a sigh or relief. It's nice to be eating right again.

Hope everyone has had some chance to enjoy some nice spring weather. Wow does it help the mindset and get the moods elevated. Bring on summer.